Gave my notice after 14 years.

The shorter version is that I moved two states over in 2010 to work for family after being laid off in a major city. From day one, the (unrelated) “manager” has made it very clear she doesn’t like me. Little did she know I was brought there to replace her. I didn’t know she was still at the office when I started.

This started a cycle of toxic work environment, gaslighting, and doubling down on office fuckery for the next 14 years. I held on as long as I could while every petty thing under the sun was perpetually held over my head. You know how family members can act like entitled fat cats who never get into trouble? Reverse it, and you have the office scapegoat (me) where everything is twisted to make others look good. Despite my stellar work performance at the actual job – which includes discussing pricey treatment with many different personalities / financial backgrounds. But the thorn in my side remained. You can imagine how it strained my relationship with the family member (owner) over time. I stopped being invited to family events too.

Yesterday I had to take my cat to emergency vet after almost 3 days of him constantly in and out of the litter box. He was straining to pee, and that’s not something to ever wait on. I text HR (who is the manager’s bestie at work) two hours before my shift with what happened. I called her an hour before to make sure she got my text (she didn’t, even though she’s glued to her phone) as we were driving the 1.5 hour trip there. I said they were going to try to fit me in fast, I would speak with the vet, and they would look after him for the day so I could get to work (another hour). She asked when I would be in. Obviously I can’t determine how long any of this will take, and I am not rushing them to accommodate her. I said I would call her with an update.

We get there and done in about an hour. I call her, she doesn’t answer. I text her, no response. I text my relative and let them know what happened, since both HR/manager love to “forget” what I’ve said. No response. I drive to work and get there at the time I’ve told them.

At my desk, I noticed the work I left the night before was gone. They love to go through my desk when I’m away, and when I say it’s unacceptable, they tell me it’s not “mine” and actually belongs to the owner so not off limits. I went into HR’s office and asked where my work folder was. She replied that owner has it, and we would discuss it later. I said there’s nothing to discuss and I need to get started on my work from the day before. She refused to give it back to me, even after I pointed out that said folder is actually on her desk. After 14 years of this abusive, gaslighting, DARVO shit, I went back to my desk and wrote my resignation. I specifically mentioned the work environment is why I am leaving, and busied myself for the rest of the day not really talking to anyone.

They both ignored me, unless it was to ask me over and over if XYZ had been done yet. If you have so much free time to ask AND know how to do what you’re nagging me about, why not find out if I need help instead of complaining? I’ve asked for help and each time it’s treated like how dare I, because we’re all busy. Super busy chatting about nothing all day, playing on the phone, gossiping, and not training the new employee, right? I mentioned that XYZ is actually very good for new employee to practice with, and I did bring up two days ago it wasn’t finished yet. Manager called off on new person’s first day, and HR was training by asking me every five minutes how something was done when she already knew. So if we wanted to split the task now, she can show how it’s done and I’ll do the rest. Nope.

My relative ignored me all day too, and actually went around me to have manager and HR do the most important part of my job, which is discussing treatment. Didn’t talk to me until end of the night, when I was told I wasn’t allowed to use the office as a reference, and handed me a paper with everything I’ve supposedly done wrong in 14 years already previously discussed and dismantled. They said I wouldn’t last 2 days “acting like this”, let alone almost 20 years. Then they said I let them down and walked out.

All I can think is I spent probably 10 of the 14 years trying to get help, admitting when I did something wrong, and begging for the situation to change. Manager is also still there after listening in on a telehealth doctor’s appointment of mine over a year ago, while I was clocked out behind a closed door. She punched the door after she heard me discussing my work situation for the millionth time.

There is so much more I could say, but I chose to leave without a backup plan. I have some prospects that I can cobble together a paycheck until I land something solid, but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here. Everyone I have ever gone into deep detail with has said they would have left years ago, and why was I still torturing myself being there? Because my relative gave me an opportunity 14 years ago and I felt terrible for wanting to leave. I love my job, most of the patients think I’m the manager anyway, and I consistently help to sell over 100K each month. But I can’t dread every day anymore. I got a degree specific to something that would help the office, and didn’t see more than a $3.00 raise or actually take on that role. I’ve nearly had a nervous breakdown due to the stress and perpetual anxiety of being micromanaged etc.

I apologize this post sounds disjointed, but there’s so much to unpack. Please encourage me for putting myself first for once, because I’m scared.