Self-sabotaging job opportunity

Hi all!

I’m in a bit of a pickle and I kinda need some help.

So for the past few months (3ish months) I’ve been working at this place in admin. It’s a contract position so it would end at the end of December. Recently, I got offered a role for a year in the same team but more aligned with my interest and experience (data analysis) because my boss has been exposing me to that during my time as her assistant and she thinks I would excel in that! Yay right? Not really.

This is exactly what I wanted. And this is exactly in my career path and I love my team and the company I work for.

Recently though (2-3 weeks ago) the place I work at started a hiring freeze/lay offs. My team is exempt from that since we are working on stuff extremely important and are already short staffed and cannot be further short staffed. And I got news that I will be proceeding with a contract extension after all the news of budget cuts.

Now my issue is that I have to do all this paper work to prove that I qualify for the role my boss wants me to move to and the hr stuff takes a long ass time but I haven’t started on any of the paper work. And I struggle to do it. Not because I don’t know or I don’t want this job but simply because I know there’s no point.

The person who’s in charge of my paperwork outside of me (not my boss because she’s swamped but someone else who works part time) only works 3 days a week and this entire process takes a long ass time that I know I’m going to lose the job anyways since I won’t be able to get everything done in time. They’re probably just going to have to let me know that they cannot extend me because the process is too long and stuff so there’s no point in doing the paper work. Or I’ll get the offer but they’ll rescind it just cause. I just know it’s going to happen (like a feeling).

I don’t wanna let my team down but I don’t think there’s much point in trying anymore.

Now I could get another job, but the field/region I work in is entirely going through layoffs and hiring freezes so it’s going to be harder to get a role outside of my current team. So I might have to move back with my parents. I’m fine with that too. I don’t mind giving up everything here and just going back home. I don’t wanna work anyways. I don’t think I’m very cut out for what I want to do. I just want to be left alone.

Can someone give me some insight or tough love advice on this? I know I should get my head on straight but I don’t care if everything falls apart.

TLDR: I am getting my dream job! But I don’t care enough to do the paperwork since I know it won’t work out for me. I don’t care if my life gets ruined.