The ISA JournalAlumni Perspectives: Homesick? It’s only two weeks! — The raw reality of going abroad.

Ream Elkawaga is an ISA Sevilla alumna and current ISA/TEAN Global Ambassador at Rutgers University. In this blog, she shares how she overcame the inevitable feeling of homesickness while abroad.

You’d think barely two weeks abroad won’t give you the chance to feel homesick, but surprisingly, you’d be wrong. At least I was.

For weeks prior to going to Sevilla and just before I left for the airport, my mother would tell me, “You’d be there and back in no time.” I remember groaning whenever she’d say that, internally wishing the short 16 days of the winter session would be longer. Yet, once you’ve taken two connecting flights to a foreign country by yourself for the first time, in a place where no one speaks the same language, let alone looks like you, loneliness finds itself seeping into the cracks of initial excitement. 

Working through the security checks, running from flight to flight, picking up luggage and calling over a cab barely gives you time to really process what’s going on. All that’s swirling in your mind is: “Do I have everything? Am I saying this right? ¿Cuánto cuesta? The address is Calle Brasil 5… or was it 6?” Once I finally made my way into the residencia after a long day of unpacking and trying not to sleep despite being awake for nearly an entire day in the sky, I found myself thinking about going back home. Of all things! It was an odd sensation considering the fact I’d finally made it safe and sound, only to look back at the steps I’d walked and wished I could retrace them all the way back home.

I remember how quiet everything felt once everyone went back to their rooms, and the chilling realization that I had an entire ocean separating me from my family. Even more so once I realized that I didn’t really know anyone here. This became more apparent on our first official day of the session. Maybe it was due to jet lag, but I’d woken up at 6 am and somehow the sky was still dark. It only lit up outside around 8 am, and then came the unfamiliar sounds of cawing parrots and a somewhat comforting cooing of mourning doves; it was as if they knew the inner turmoil raging inside me. I finally pulled myself together, getting ready for our first excursion to Itálica–the last Roman colony and where a Game of Thrones scene was filmed. I’d have been more excited, were it not for the fact that everyone had somehow managed to find their own groups. I felt the sensation of isolation overwhelm me and the urge to want to go home only increased in its intensity. Don’t get me wrong, I put in the effort to converse with people, but there was this budding feeling of simply not belonging that made me question each second. In the sheer contrast of the beautiful day around me and the literal relics of time I stepped through, I felt removed from everyone around me. The bus ride back from Itálica was a lonely one, and I spent it looking outside at the quickly passing orange trees wondering if the rest of my trip would be as lonely as it then was. I’d wished I was back home, and most of those adventurous feelings had dwindled within me.

I know it seems pretty sad at the moment, but truly this was my raw emotional state as someone who’d never been away from home before. The stress of being responsible for myself somewhere so far away from home clawed at me. I craved that familiar comfort. I wanted to be back in that bubble of friends and places I’d so often visited back in the US. But, a part of me also knew that I’d come here for the experience and that no matter what happened, I wanted to make the most of it. 

I’d set myself on that thought. I wanted to enjoy my time regardless and I wouldn’t let my anxiety deter me from reaching out to everyone else. Because even though I missed home and the safety I associated with it, I was adamant on making Sevilla home too. And perhaps because my mindset was itching to shift, so did everything else around me. 

Classes started later that afternoon, and I’d walked in ready to face it all. Because, sure, maybe the social aspect was getting off to a rough start, but at least I could keep my academics in check. And that was when I’d stepped into class and moments after, another student who’d been late to arrive finally made it from the airport. Helena was by some strange coincidence my one and only classmate, we were the only two students to our history professor. I could feel her exhaustion but I also admired her enthusiasm even though she’d come by later than me. Our first day of class, we went on a quick walk over to the Plaza de España. We had a mini history lesson on Spain’s view of its own history through the colorful mosaics, and we’d even made a quick detour to feed the variety of ducks and doves that littered the vastness of el parque de María Luisa. I’d completely forgotten all my negativity in those moments of curious absorption in the city around me. The desire to know more and see more began to compete with my fear of the unknown and I found that the urge to somehow pack up and go back to the states no longer crossed my mind so gravely. 

Sure, I’d check in with my family with a daily call, but my mind had quickly found a certain comfort in Sevilla. The screeching of the parrots felt dear to me. The casual weather despite the winter left me confidently strolling outside with no need for a bulky jacket. The sun coming up at 8 am didn’t phase me. I wasn’t so nervous about getting my groceries with my accented Spanish. It had become simply natural to talk to the rest of my study abroad group and we’d grown closer than I’d imagined. I no longer found Sevilla to be that far off place that I’d landed in. Instead it was another place to call home, and though I’ve physically left it, I know it–and all the people I met there–will always hold a special place in my heart.

¡Te echo de menos, Sevilla!

Inspired by Ream’s journey and want to discover your own while immersing yourself in a study abroad program? Fill out your details below to let our team know and we’ll help you find your adventure today!