10 clever ways to be on anybody’s good side (without resorting to people-pleasing)

When it comes to getting along with other people — the key is balance.

You don’t want to lose yourself in the process of trying to please everyone around you. You want to win others over while staying true to who you are.

Being on anyone’s good side shouldn’t involve losing your authenticity. It’s about understanding how to relate with others effectively, without having to compromise your values or principles.

In this guide, I’ll share ten clever ways to be on anybody’s good side, without resorting to people-pleasing.

These tips will help you build strong, genuine relationships that respect both your needs and those of others. Let’s dive in.

1) Practice active listening

One of the most effective ways to win people over without coming off as a people-pleaser is by practicing active listening.

Active listening involves more than just nodding your head while someone else is talking. It means really tuning into what the other person is saying, understanding their point of view, and responding appropriately.

Think about it. When someone feels heard and understood, they’re more likely to feel positively towards you. It shows that you value their thoughts and opinions.

This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say. Instead, it’s about showing empathy and respect for their perspective.

Active listening is a skill that can be developed over time. It involves maintaining eye contact, offering feedback, and asking insightful questions.

Whenever you find yourself in a conversation, really focus on what the other person is saying. You’ll be surprised at how much this can improve your relationships.

Authenticity is key here.

People can tell when you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say or if you’re just pretending. So make sure to stay genuine in your interactions.

2) Be generous with compliments

I’ve always believed that a sincere compliment can go a long way in making someone feel valued and appreciated.

I remember a time when I was in a new job and feeling quite uncertain about my contribution to the team. Everything seemed so unfamiliar and I constantly questioned whether I was doing enough.

One day, my manager pulled me aside and told me how much she appreciated my attention to detail and the fresh perspective I brought to the team. That simple compliment boosted my confidence considerably and made me feel seen and appreciated.

Ever since that experience, I’ve made it a point to compliment others genuinely. It’s not about flattery or people-pleasing, but acknowledging their strengths and contributions.

A well-placed compliment can make someone’s day. It promotes positive feelings and can lead to stronger connections with others.

Always mean what you say, though.

Inauthentic praise is easy to spot, so always be genuine in your compliments.

3) Show gratitude

Did you know that expressing gratitude can have a positive impact on your relationships?

Studies have shown that showing appreciation can lead to stronger bonds and increased feelings of connection.

It’s simple, really. When you show gratitude to someone, you’re acknowledging their efforts and contributions. This makes them feel valued and appreciated.

Whether it’s thanking a colleague for their help on a project, or expressing appreciation for a friend’s support during a tough time, showing gratitude can enhance your relationships significantly.

Just like with compliments, sincerity is key.

Genuine expressions of gratitude have far more impact than hollow words.

4) Be reliable

Being reliable is a surefire way to be on anyone’s good side. When you say you’re going to do something, do it. It’s as simple as that.

When you’re dependable, people know they can count on you. This builds trust, which is the foundation of any good relationship.

But remember, being reliable doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. It’s about being honest about what you can and cannot do. Overcommitting and failing to deliver can actually damage your reputation.

So whether it’s meeting a deadline at work or showing up on time for a coffee date with a friend, make sure you’re someone who can be counted on. This will not only build trust but also respect among those around you.

5) Respect boundaries

Recognizing and respecting other people’s boundaries is crucial in maintaining good relationships. Everyone has their own comfort zones and limits, and it’s important to respect these.

When you overstep someone’s boundaries, it can make them feel uncomfortable or disrespected. On the other hand, respecting someone’s boundaries shows that you value their feelings and individuality.

This could be as simple as not insisting on personal details if someone seems reluctant to share, or understanding when a colleague needs space to focus on their work without interruptions.

By being mindful of other people’s boundaries, you show respect for their personal space and feelings. This can significantly contribute to building strong and healthy relationships.

6) Be there in times of need

Life isn’t always a bed of roses. We all have our fair share of ups and downs. And during these challenging times, having someone by our side can make all the difference.

Being there for someone during their time of need won’t go unnoticed. It shows them that you genuinely care about their well-being and are willing to support them through thick and thin.

This might mean lending a listening ear when a friend is going through a tough break up, or offering to help a colleague with a challenging workload.

It’s not always about having the perfect solution or the right words to say. Sometimes, simply being there, offering support and understanding can mean the world to someone.

Be the person who sticks around during the stormy weather, not just the sunny days. It’s an authentic way to show you care and can help build strong, lasting relationships.

7) Embrace authenticity

In a world filled with filters and highlight reels, being authentic can feel like a breath of fresh air. It’s about being true to who you are and not pretending to be someone you’re not.

I remember a time when I felt the pressure to fit in. I found myself agreeing with opinions I didn’t really hold, laughing at jokes I didn’t find funny, all in an attempt to be accepted. But all it did was leave me feeling disconnected and inauthentic.

It wasn’t until I decided to embrace my true self, quirks and all, that I found genuine connections. I realized that people were drawn to my authenticity, and those who valued me for who I truly am are the ones worth keeping around.

Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Genuine people attract genuine relationships. And while not everyone might appreciate your authenticity, the ones who do are the ones who truly matter.

8) Don’t shy away from disagreements

Contrary to what many believe, agreeing with everything someone says isn’t the best way to get on their good side. In fact, it can sometimes come across as insincere or people-pleasing.

Disagreements, when handled respectfully, can actually strengthen relationships. They show that you’re not just nodding along but really listening and engaging with what the other person is saying.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should pick fights or disagree for the sake of it. It’s about expressing your views honestly, even if they differ from theirs.

It’s possible to disagree without being disagreeable. Make sure to respect their opinion, even if you don’t share it. This can lead to healthy debates and deeper connections based on mutual respect and understanding.

9) Be positive

Positivity is contagious. When you maintain a positive attitude, it can not only your mood but also those around you.

Being positive doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time or ignore the negatives. It’s about adopting a positive outlook towards life and focusing on solutions rather than problems.

This approach can make you more approachable and likable. People are generally drawn to those who exude positivity and can inspire them to do the same.

So whether it’s maintaining a can-do attitude at work, or finding the silver lining in a difficult situation, staying positive can help you win people over without resorting to people-pleasing.

10) Show kindness

At the end of the day, nothing beats kindness. It’s the universal language that breaks all barriers and touches people’s hearts.

Kindness doesn’t have to involve grand gestures. It can be as simple as a warm smile, a helping hand, or a word of encouragement.

It’s often the smallest acts of kindness that make the biggest impact. So never underestimate the power of showing kindness to those around you. It can make all the difference in building strong, genuine relationships.

The power of authenticity

At the core of each of these strategies is one underlying principle: authenticity.

Authenticity, as researched by leading social psychologists, is a cornerstone in the formation and maintenance of meaningful relationships. It’s about being true to yourself and others.

When you are genuine in your interactions, it shows. It builds trust, promotes open communication, and strengthens connections. It’s the secret ingredient that can make all the difference.

As Oscar Wilde famously said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”