7 everyday relationship behaviors that are actually quite toxic, according to psychologists

When it comes to relationships, we often think of toxic behaviors as extreme—think major betrayals or explosive arguments.

But the truth is, toxicity can creep into our everyday interactions in more subtle ways. In fact, we can become so accustomed to certain behaviors that we may not even realize they’re harmful.

From seemingly harmless comments to well-intentioned actions that undermine our partner’s feelings, these everyday behaviors can create rifts and misunderstandings.

So it’s essential to recognize these patterns not only to foster healthier connections but also to reflect on our own actions and their impact.

In this article, we’ll explore seven common relationship behaviors that, while they may seem minor at first, can actually be quite toxic.

1) Constant criticism

There’s a fine line between constructive feedback and constant criticism.

In a healthy relationship, critique should be delivered with kindness and respect, aiming to help the other person grow.

But when critique becomes a regular part of your interactions, it can turn into a toxic behavior with various potential consequences:

Psychologists caution against this subtle but damaging behavior. It’s vital to understand that nobody is perfect, and constant nitpicking can cause more harm than good.

So next time you feel the urge to criticize, think twice. Is it actually necessary? Or is it just a harmful habit you’ve fallen into?

2) Overcommunication

Yes, you read that right. Communication is key in any relationship, but too much of it can actually be damaging.

In the era of instant messaging and social media, we can feel the pressure to be constantly connected and engaged with our partners. But psychologists warn that this can lead to a lack of personal space and independence.

Overcommunication can rob us of our own time and self-reliance, leading to co-dependency. It’s important to understand that every individual needs some time and space for themselves, even in a relationship.

Healthy relationships thrive on balance. And that includes balancing time together with time apart, and communication with quiet understanding.

3) Ignoring your own needs

In my experience, both personally and professionally, I’ve seen that many of us tend to put our partner’s needs before our own.

While it’s important to consider our partner’s feelings and desires, it can become toxic when we consistently neglect our own needs.

It’s easy to get lost in the process of loving someone else and forget about self-love. But as I delve deeper into this topic in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, it’s crucial to remember that taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

For a relationship to be healthy and balanced, both partners need to feel valued and cared for. If you find yourself always putting your partner’s needs before your own, it might be time to reassess and find ways to prioritize self-care.

4) Holding onto past mistakes

We all make mistakes. And yes, sometimes those mistakes can hurt the people we care about the most.

But holding onto past mistakes and using them as ammunition during disagreements is a toxic behavior that psychologists warn against.

As someone once told me, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” This quote, often attributed to Buddha, really resonated with me. It perfectly encapsulates the futility of holding grudges.

It’s important to remember that we are all human and prone to making mistakes. Instead of dwelling on past errors, a healthier approach is to forgive, learn from these experiences, and move forward stronger than before.

So if you find yourself or your partner frequently rehashing old mistakes in arguments, take a step back. Reflect on why this is happening and how you can break this cycle.

5) Incessant jealousy

Jealousy is a natural human emotion, but when it becomes a recurring issue, it can be toxic to a relationship.

I’ve noticed in my own experiences that constant jealousy can create an atmosphere of mistrust and resentment. It’s like a weed that, if left unattended, can choke the life out of your relationship.

Psychologists agree that incessant jealousy stems from insecurity and lack of trust. And trust, as we all know, is the foundation of any healthy relationship.

So if you find yourself constantly feeling jealous or dealing with a partner who is, it’s time to have an open and honest conversation to address these insecurities.

6) Avoiding conflict

It might seem counterintuitive, but avoiding conflict can actually be harmful to a relationship.

In my early years of dating, I always thought that a peaceful relationship meant a happy one. But I’ve since learned that it’s not the absence of conflict, but rather how you deal with it, that truly matters.

When we avoid arguments or disagreements, we often suppress our feelings and needs, which can lead to resentment over time.

Conflict, when handled correctly, can actually strengthen a relationship by fostering:

• Understanding
• Compromise
• Deeper intimacy

So don’t shy away from disagreements. Instead, learn to communicate openly and honestly about your issues. It’s all about finding those ‘creative alternatives.’

If you’re interested in learning more about relationships and navigating these tricky areas, feel free to follow me on Facebook. You’ll find plenty of useful insights and my latest articles right in your feed.

7) Pretending everything is fine

One of the most toxic behaviors in a relationship is pretending that everything is fine when it’s not.

It’s a coping mechanism many of us resort to, often out of fear of conflict or a desire to maintain a facade of a perfect relationship.

But in reality, it only buries the issues deeper, allowing them to fester and grow.

Real relationships aren’t perfect. They have ups and downs, disagreements and reconciliations.

Acknowledging problems doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed – it means you’re brave enough to face challenges head-on and work towards a healthier bond.

So let’s do away with the pretense. Let’s be raw, honest, and real with our partners. It might be uncomfortable initially, but it’s the only path to true intimacy and deep connection.

Unmasking the toxic behaviors

Recognizing these everyday behaviors as toxic is the first step toward creating healthier, more supportive relationships.

By being aware of how even the smallest actions and words can impact our partners, we can make a conscious effort to change our habits and foster a more positive environment.

As a relationship expert, I believe in the power of self-reflection and self-improvement.

Our relationships can only be as healthy as we are. So let’s start with ourselves. Let’s address these toxic behaviors head-on and pave the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

To help you further explore this topic, I recommend watching this insightful video by Justin Brown where he explains the problem with using the law of attraction to try to find the perfect partner.

His key point is that we need to give up on this idea of the perfect partner, we need to recognize that relationships are about commitment, embracing challenges, growing together.