7 lessons from “How To Win Friends And Influence People” that have made me a classier and more refined communicator

I remember the first time I picked up Dale Carnegie’s classic. I was fresh out of a particularly unproductive argument with someone I cared about, and I felt awful. How to Win Friends and Influence People was exactly the lifeline I needed. 

Over the years, I’ve revisited it time and again, and each read offers something new.

Today, I’m sharing seven lessons from Carnegie’s book that truly transformed me into a more polished, empathetic, and engaging communicator. Hopefully, they can do the same for you.

Let’s dive in.

1. Make others feel heard and understood

Back in university, I was doing a whole lot of talking and not nearly enough listening. Then I came across Dale Carnegie’s point about showing genuine interest in others—really listening rather than just waiting for my turn to speak. It was an instant game-changer.

I stopped jumping in with advice and started validating other people’s experiences instead. This meant making eye contact, nodding, asking follow-up questions, and letting them finish without interruption. 

Not only did this make me a better communicator during my university years, but in hindsight, I think it played a big role in shaping me into a good counselor. My clients, friends, and even my husband started opening up more because they felt truly heard.

As Carnegie famously said, “You can make more friends in two months by being interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” And if you think about it, isn’t that exactly what we all want—to feel heard and understood?

2. Offer honest and sincere appreciation

This is a big one. 

I used to believe that giving compliments too often might come across as phony. But it’s only fake if it’s forced or insincere. When I shifted my mentality and genuinely praised people for their efforts or ideas, relationships changed in the best ways.

Carnegie reminds us that people long for appreciation and recognition. Telling someone, “I’m really impressed by how you handled that tough situation” can boost their confidence and show them you value their strengths. 

If you’re thinking, “But I don’t see anything worth praising,” you might not be looking closely enough. In my experience, there’s always something positive you can highlight.

3. Choose empathy over criticism

Not too long ago, I wrote a post about how negativity can derail even the healthiest relationships. You might have read my piece on that. One core principle I touched on there comes straight out of Carnegie’s playbook: “never criticize, condemn, or complain”.

This doesn’t mean ignoring problems or sugarcoating everything. Rather, it means approaching conflicts with empathy. 

For instance, if a friend shows up late to dinner, instead of snapping, “You’re always late! Don’t you respect my time?” try, “I was worried—everything okay?” Instantly, the focus shifts to concern rather than accusation.

4. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests

This one might sound obvious, but it’s astonishing how often we forget it. 

Carnegie emphasizes that if you want to connect with someone, talk about what matters to them—be it their hobby, job, family, or even a funny TV show they love.

I see this in my counseling practice often: once I align the conversation with what the other person cares about, they open up. The shift is almost palpable. And it goes beyond just active listening—it’s a willingness to immerse yourself, even briefly, into someone else’s world.

Personally, I started doing this when traveling. If I meet someone who’s into art, I ask about their favorite artists. If they love hiking, I ask about great trails near them. It’s genuine curiosity—something that tends to spark rich connections.

5. Admit when you’re wrong as fast as possible 

One of the hardest but most valuable lessons I’ve learned from Carnegie is the power of admitting when I’m wrong. It’s human nature to get defensive, but doubling down on a mistake only makes things worse.

I used to struggle with this—especially in moments when I felt my intentions were good, even if my actions weren’t perfect. But I realized that owning up to mistakes doesn’t make you weak; it actually earns you respect.

Instead of wasting time justifying myself, I started simply saying, “You’re right, I handled that poorly,” or “I see your point—I should have approached that differently.”

The result? Conversations that could have spiraled into arguments instead turned into moments of mutual understanding. People appreciate honesty, and more often than not, they respond with grace rather than judgment. As Carnegie put it, “If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.” It’s a simple yet powerful way to build trust and strengthen relationships.

6. Use a person’s name

This one is so simple it almost sounds silly.

But if you’ve ever heard someone casually drop your name in conversation, you know how powerful it is. 

Carnegie emphasized that a person’s name is, to them, the “sweetest sound in any language”. It’s a small but meaningful way to show respect, make interactions feel more personal, and build genuine rapport.

I started making a conscious effort to do this in both professional and personal settings, and the impact was immediate. Whether it’s greeting a client—“Great to see you again, Sarah!”—or acknowledging a barista by name, it strengthens connections in a way that’s hard to explain but easy to feel.

Of course, the key is sincerity. Overusing someone’s name can feel forced, but weaving it naturally into conversation makes people feel recognized and valued. It’s one of the simplest ways to make a lasting impression—and yet, so many people overlook it.

7. Give people a good reputation to live up to

Let’s finish on a big one.

I’ve noticed that when you assume the best in people—expressing belief in their abilities and praising their potential—they tend to rise to meet that expectation. Carnegie’s advice about giving others a strong reputation to uphold might sound a bit idealistic, but in practice, it works wonders.

For instance, if you’re a manager and an employee struggles with meeting deadlines, instead of saying, “You’re always late with your work,” you might say, “You’re someone who takes pride in delivering quality work—I know you can stay on top of this.” The difference? The first statement labels them as unreliable, while the second reinforces their ability to improve.

When you see someone through a lens of potential rather than weakness, you create an environment where growth feels natural and achievable. Over time, I’ve used this approach with colleagues, friends, and even in my counseling practice, and I’ve found that people are far more likely to step up when they feel someone genuinely believes in them.

Final thoughts

Every time I revisit How to Win Friends and Influence People, I’m amazed by how timeless these principles are. They’ve helped me become a more gracious, tactful communicator, and over the years, I’ve seen them transform countless client relationships, too.

If you’re looking to elevate your communication skills, I wholeheartedly recommend giving Carnegie’s insights a try. It won’t happen overnight (trust me, I had my fair share of trial and error), but with consistent effort, you’ll see powerful shifts in how you engage with the world—and how others respond.

Here’s to refined, uplifting, and genuine connections—may we all become a bit classier and more empathetic in the process.