7 phrases a covert narcissist will use to gain trust and intimacy

There’s a marked contrast between sincere connection and sly manipulation.

The difference lies in the authenticity of intention. A covert narcissist, for instance, skillfully uses certain phrases to foster trust and intimacy, concealing their real motives.

Gaining someone’s trust should ideally be a process of genuine interaction and shared experiences. But for a covert narcissist, it’s merely a strategy to achieve their selfish ends.

These individuals have carefully crafted phrases that make you lower your defenses. And as an expert in relationships, I’ve heard them plenty of times!

So, let’s delve into the 7 phrases a covert narcissist will use to gain trust and intimacy.

Let’s get started, shall we?

1) “I understand you better than anyone else”

Venturing into the realm of relationships, there’s no place where trust and intimacy are more crucial.

Yet, covert narcissists are masters of manipulation in this delicate area, often using phrases that create a false sense of understanding and closeness.

Enter the phrase, “I understand you better than anyone else…”

This is a classic tactic employed by covert narcissists. It’s designed to make you feel special, understood, and valued. It’s a powerful way to build trust and intimacy.

But here’s the catch. In reality, a covert narcissist uses this phrase to manipulate you into believing they’re your perfect counterpart, your soulmate.

By claiming to understand you better than anyone else, they’re seeking to isolate you from other potential sources of support. They’re subtly suggesting that others can’t comprehend your thoughts and feelings as deeply as they do.

Be cautious when someone insists they understand you better than anyone else. It could be a genuine sentiment, or it could be a manipulative tactic used by a covert narcissist.

2) “I’m not like the others”

Contrary to what you might assume, a phrase that seems to highlight uniqueness might not always be a positive thing.

“I’m not like the others…” is a phrase covert narcissists often use. At face value, it seems flattering, as if they’re setting themselves apart from previous disappointments or heartbreaks you may have experienced.

In reality, however, this phrase is a strategic move to elevate themselves above everyone else in your life. They aim to position themselves as the ‘exception’, the ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ opportunity you shouldn’t pass up.

While it’s natural for people to want to stand out, especially in relationships, this phrase in the wrong hands can be a veiled attempt to make you feel that they are irreplaceable and superior.

Therefore, it’s paramount to discern if this sentiment comes from a place of genuine uniqueness or from a hidden agenda of manipulation.

3) “You’re the only one who gets me”

It’s a phrase I’ve come across repeatedly in my years of studying and analyzing relationship dynamics – “You’re the only one who gets me…”

On the surface, it appears to be a heartfelt confession, a testament to your unique connection. However, in the context of a covert narcissist, it’s often a calculated move to deepen your emotional investment.

By saying this, they’re subtly creating an ‘us against the world’ narrative, making you feel like an indispensable part of their life. It’s a way to make you feel special and bind you closer to them.

But remember, genuine connection isn’t about exclusivity but mutual respect and understanding. It’s about both parties feeling seen, heard, and valued.

In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into how to recognize and break free from such manipulative tactics.

Next time you hear, “You’re the only one who gets me…”, use your discernment. Is it a genuine expression of closeness or a manipulation tool? Be sure to tread cautiously.

4) “I really need you”

In my experience, one phrase that covert narcissists often employ is “I really need you…”. It’s a masterstroke in manipulation, playing on our innate human desire to be needed and valued.

By expressing their need for you, they’re not only appealing to your empathetic side but also creating a sense of obligation. You start to feel responsible for their happiness, their wellbeing, and before you know it, their entire life.

But remember what the brilliant Maya Angelou once said – “Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold—that’s ego. Love liberates”. True love isn’t about dependency but about mutual growth and support.

Take a step back and evaluate the situation when you hear this phrase. Is it a genuine request for support or a ploy to make you feel indispensable? Trust your instincts and remember that healthy relationships are built on mutual interdependence and respect.

5) “I’ve never felt this way before”

In the hands of a covert narcissist, this phrase is a tool to fast-track intimacy and create an illusion of exclusivity. It’s designed to make you feel like you’re in a unique and special connection that surpasses all their past relationships.

But often, it’s not as romantic as it sounds. It’s a crafty way to make you let your guard down and become more emotionally invested in the relationship.

In my years of studying relationships, I’ve learned that true feelings develop over time, nurtured by shared experiences and mutual understanding. Quick declarations of unprecedented feelings can sometimes signal manipulation rather than genuine love.

When you hear “I’ve never felt this way before…”, take a moment to assess the situation. Is it a spontaneous outpouring of emotion or a tactic to manipulate your feelings? Always trust your intuition.

6) “I can’t live without you”

In my line of work, “I can’t live without you…” is a phrase I’ve heard more times than I can count.

While it might sound incredibly passionate and romantic, from a covert narcissist, it’s often a manipulative tool. It’s designed to create an intense bond and make you feel responsible for their happiness, or worse, their survival.

As the great Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. This holds true in relationships too – no one should make you feel solely responsible for their happiness.

True love is about encouragement, support and mutual growth, not dependency.

So when someone says “I can’t live without you…”, take a step back and evaluate their intent. Is it genuine affection or a manipulation tactic? Always trust your gut.

For more insights on relationships and how to navigate them, be sure to follow me on Facebook. You’ll get my latest articles delivered straight to your feed.

7) “You complete me”

This phrase might sound like it’s straight out of a Hollywood movie, but “You complete me…” is often used by covert narcissists as a manipulation tool.

It’s a phrase that suggests that without you, they are somehow less, incomplete. It’s romantic, sure, but it also places an immense burden on you. The idea that you are their missing piece can feel flattering at first, but over time this can evolve into an unhealthy dynamic.

In truth, we are all complete individuals in our own right. We don’t need another person to ‘complete’ us, but rather to complement us. The notion of completion implies dependency, and that’s not what a healthy relationship is about.

When you hear “You complete me…”, view it with caution. Is it a heartfelt expression of love or a subtle tool of manipulation? Always remember that a genuine relationship is about two whole individuals coming together, not two halves trying to form a whole.

The power of awareness

Understanding the intricacies of human interactions and relationships can be an enlightening journey. It equips us with the awareness to recognize manipulative tactics and empowers us to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

In our exploration of phrases a covert narcissist will use to gain trust and intimacy, we’ve dived into the subtle manipulative tactics that can often go unnoticed in our daily interactions.

Recognizing these phrases for what they are is the first step towards protecting ourselves from their effects. But it’s equally important to remember that not every person who uses these phrases is a covert narcissist. Context is key, and understanding the wider dynamics at play in your relationship is crucial.

To deepen this understanding and explore more about manipulation, relationships, and personal growth, I recommend this insightful video by Justin Brown:

In it, he critically examines new age spiritual narcissism, questioning some of the groupthink in new age circles.

This video is particularly relevant for those seeking a spiritual path and wanting to find their own way without falling into the trap of following spiritual gurus or copying others.

So keep exploring, keep learning, and above all else, trust your intuition when it comes to your relationships.

Remember, knowledge is power, and the more we understand about human behavior, the better equipped we are to navigate our relationships with confidence.