7 signs someone isn’t truly your friend (even if they pretend to be)

Not everyone who smiles at you, hangs out with you, or even helps you occasionally is genuinely your friend.

Shocking, right? But it’s true.

You see, friendship is about much more than just surface-level interactions.

It’s about honesty, loyalty, and mutual respect.

So how do you know who’s genuinely there for you and who’s only pretending?

Well, it’s not always easy to tell.

But don’t worry – I’ve got your back.

In this article, I’m going to share seven telltale signs that someone isn’t truly your friend (even if they pretend to be).

So buckle up and let’s delve into this – who knows, it might just save you from some unnecessary heartache down the line.

1) They’re always too busy for you

Have you ever known someone who seems to have all the time in the world for other people, but when it comes to you, they’re suddenly swamped?

Uh-huh. That’s the type we’re talking about here.

A true friend values your relationship and will make time for you.

Sure, we all have busy periods, and no one can be available 24/7.

But if someone constantly places you at the bottom of their priority list, that’s a red flag.

A person can claim to be your friend all they want, but if they’re regularly too occupied to spend time with you or help you out when you need it, you might just be dealing with a friendship flake.

And let’s be honest – nobody deserves that.

2) They only reach out when they need something

Okay, let’s get personal for a moment.

I had a friend – let’s call her Lisa. Lisa and I were close, or so I thought. We’d have a blast whenever we hung out, and our conversations seemed genuine and heartfelt.

But then, I started noticing a pattern. Lisa would only call or text me when she needed something – a ride, help with homework, advice on her relationship issues.

If I needed her, though? Crickets.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with friends asking for help.

That’s part of what friendship is all about.

But when the scales are constantly tipped in one direction, it’s not really friendship – it’s a one-sided dependency.

Friendship is about give and take – not just take, take, take.

If you find yourself in a similar situation like my friend Lisa, it might be time to reconsider whether that person is truly your friend.

3) They’re never genuinely happy for your success

So, you’ve just landed that dream job or aced that exam you were stressing over.

You’re buzzing with excitement and can’t wait to share the good news with your friend.

But instead of joining in your joy, they seem… underwhelmed. Distant. Maybe even a tad bitter.

They might even attempt to downplay your achievement or shift the focus onto themselves.

This is a tough pill to swallow, but here goes: A true friend doesn’t treat your victories as their losses.

They don’t see life as a competition where your gain is their loss.

A true friend celebrates with you when you win and uplifts you when you fall.

If someone can’t seem to muster genuine happiness for your achievements, I hate to break it to you, but they’re not really your friend.

And you deserve so much better than that.

4) They don’t respect your boundaries

You know that friend who always insists on doing things their way?

Or maybe they constantly push you to share more than you’re comfortable with?

Yep, that’s a classic sign of someone not respecting your boundaries.

A true friend understands and respects your personal space and limits.

They get that ‘no’ means ‘no’, not ‘convince me’.

They don’t make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time alone or for not wanting to share every last detail of your life.

On the other hand, a person who doesn’t respect your boundaries is more interested in their own needs and wants than in your comfort or well-being.

So, if you find someone constantly crossing the line despite you expressing your discomfort, it’s high time to question if they truly value your friendship.

5) They’re not there during the tough times

Did you know that adversity often reveals a person’s true colors? And this couldn’t be more accurate when it comes to friendships.

Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.

We all face our share of storms – grief, heartbreak, failures, you name it.

And it’s during these trying times that you really get to see who your true friends are.

True friends stick by your side in moments of hardship.

They lend a listening ear, offer a shoulder to cry on, or just sit silently with you when words fail.

They might not be able to fix everything, but they make the journey bearable.

But if someone disappears when things get tough and reappears when all is well, it’s clear that they’re fair-weather friends – there for the good times, absent during the bad.

6) They don’t acknowledge or respect your feelings

We’re all human. And being human means experiencing a whirlwind of emotions – from joy to sadness, from excitement to fear.

A true friend acknowledges your feelings.

They don’t belittle your fears, mock your joys, or dismiss your concerns.

They understand that your feelings are just as real and valid as theirs.

But what if you have a friend who brushes off your feelings?

Or worse, makes you feel guilty for having them?

Please remember this: Your feelings are important. They matter. You matter.

If someone can’t respect your feelings, they’re not respecting you.

7) They constantly bring you down

Here’s the most important thing to grasp: A true friend lifts you up, not drags you down.

If you’re constantly feeling bad about yourself after spending time with them, if they belittle you, criticize you unnecessarily, or make fun of your dreams and aspirations, it’s time to reevaluate.

Friendship is about building each other up, encouraging each other, and growing together.

Any person who makes you feel small or insignificant is no friend at all.

Wrapping it up

Recognizing these signs in your friendships can be difficult, even painful. It’s easier to ignore the red flags than to face the truth.

But remember, self-realization is the first step towards positive change.

And here’s a comforting thought – you’re not alone.

We all have, at some point, encountered friends who weren’t really friends. But it’s through these experiences that we learn and grow.

So, if you’ve been nodding along while reading this, know that it’s ok to reassess your friendships.

It’s ok to prioritize your wellbeing. And most importantly, it’s ok to walk away from relationships that drain you instead of enriching you.