7 signs you’re in a relationship with a narcissist who loves to keep score

Being in a relationship with a narcissist who keeps score can feel exhausting and one-sided.

These individuals often use past actions as leverage, turning the relationship into a competition rather than a partnership.

Their need for control and validation often drives this behavior, making it difficult to build trust and equality.

Here are 7 signs you’re in a relationship with a narcissist who loves to keep score and how this toxic dynamic can impact your well-being.

Remember, it’s all about understanding, not blaming—let’s dive in and decipher the reality of your situation:

1) They’re always right

Few things can be as exhausting as living with someone who insists they’re always right.

Do you find yourself in constant debates that you didn’t sign up for? Does your partner never admit their mistakes or take responsibility for their actions?

A narcissist’s ego is fragile, and to protect it, they often resort to making themselves appear superior.

That’s why they feel the need to be right all the time, even when they’re not.

This is one of the most common signs you’re in a relationship with a narcissist who loves to keep score.

They turn every situation into a win-lose scenario where they must come out on top.

A healthy relationship involves mutual respect and understanding, not constant power struggles—and no one should have to live under the pressure of always being wrong.

2) They keep a tally of everything

Living with someone who keeps a score of every little thing can feel like being in a never-ending game.

Let me share a personal example: In my previous relationship, I was with someone who remembered every single favor they did for me.

And mind you, not in a good way—they would use these instances as leverage in our arguments, making me feel like I was in constant debt to them.

It was like living with a human scorecard.

If I ever forgot to do something, they’d bring up the time they took out the trash three weeks ago or picked up my dry cleaning last month.

It was mentally exhausting and far from what a loving relationship should be.

Healthy relationships aren’t about keeping tabs on who did what; they’re about mutual support and understanding.

3) They lack empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, and it’s a crucial component of any healthy relationship.

While we all have moments of selfishness, narcissists often display a chronic lack of empathy.

This can manifest as an inability to recognize or understand your feelings.

Instead, they focus on their own needs and desires, often at the expense of others.

If your partner consistently dismisses your feelings or struggles to show compassion, it might not just be a bad habit.

It could be a sign you’re dealing with a narcissist who loves to keep score.

4) They crave constant admiration

Admiration is like oxygen for narcissists—they thrive on a steady stream of praise, compliments, and recognition.

Narcissists often expect constant admiration from their partners; they use it to validate their self-worth and to maintain their inflated self-image.

But no matter how much you reassure them, it never seems to be enough.

That’s because narcissists are prone to feelings of emptiness and inadequacy, which they try to offset with external validation.

Remember, it’s natural for everyone to want some level of validation in a relationship—but a constant need for admiration can be indicative of a deeper issue.

5) Their love feels conditional

There’s a difference between love that’s unconditional and love that feels like it’s constantly on probation.

In my past, I was in a relationship where I often felt like I was walking on eggshells.

It was as if my partner’s affection for me depended on my performance or behavior; if I did something they disapproved of, I would feel a cold shift in their attitude towards me.

It was an emotional rollercoaster, where the fear of losing their love loomed over my head.

It took me a while to realize that this isn’t what love is supposed to feel like.

True love is consistent and doesn’t come with a checklist of conditions.

6) They gaslight you

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where a person makes you question your own reality, memory, or perceptions.

Have you ever found yourself second-guessing your version of events or feeling confused and crazy? Does your partner often deny or twist the facts to make you doubt your own experiences?

Narcissists often use gaslighting to maintain power and control in a relationship.

It’s a form of emotional abuse that can leave you feeling disoriented and vulnerable.

Recognizing this behavior is crucial.

The first step to breaking free from this toxic pattern is to trust your own instincts and perceptions.

7) They’re never satisfied

A relationship with a narcissist can feel like an endless cycle of trying to please someone who’s never truly satisfied.

No matter how much you do for them, how much you sacrifice or how hard you try to meet their expectations, it never seems to be enough.

They always want more, setting the bar higher and higher.

But here’s the thing: It’s not about you—it’s about their inability to feel contentment or gratitude.

Their constant dissatisfaction is a reflection of their inner struggles, not your worth or efforts.

Remember, you deserve a relationship where your efforts are appreciated and reciprocated—where love isn’t a one-way street.

Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise!

Final thoughts: You matter

Understanding a relationship with a scorekeeping narcissist is challenging and often disheartening.

Remember this: Your feelings and experiences are valid, so you are not the issue here—trying to “give more” or “be more understanding” won’t change them; real change must come from within.

Focus on setting boundaries, prioritizing your well-being, and affirming your own worth.

The Cleveland Clinic states that Narcissistic Personality Disorder affects up to between 0.5% to 5% of the general U.S. population, so you’re far from alone in this struggle.

The journey might feel overwhelming at times, but it’s essential to prioritize your mental health and emotional well-being.

Seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals who understand what you’re going through.

Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where love is not a battlefield but a safe haven of mutual respect, understanding, and genuine affection.

Don’t settle for anything less!