Finding the right person to share your life with isn’t always a walk in the park. There are days when you might feel like you’re on a rollercoaster. But hey, that’s love, right?
When you’ve settled down with someone, it can be easy to second guess your decision on those tougher days. It’s normal to question, even when you’re committed.
But here’s the thing: It’s not always about grand gestures and butterflies in your stomach. Sometimes, it’s about those subtle signs that reassure you, even if it doesn’t always feel like a fairy tale.
In this piece, we’re going to explore seven such signs that indicate you’ve actually found ‘the one’, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Because love isn’t all rainbows and sunshine – it’s about finding someone who’s worth weathering the storm with.
1) Comfort in silence
Sometimes, it’s not about the words you share but the silence you’re comfortable in.
When you’re together, there’s no compulsion to fill every moment with conversation. You’re perfectly fine sitting in silence, perhaps reading a book or staring out the window, with them by your side.
It’s in these quiet moments that your bond strengthens. The fact that you can enjoy each other’s company, without feeling the need to constantly entertain or impress, speaks volumes about your connection.
Don’t underestimate the power of comfortable silence. It can be a strong indicator that you’ve settled down with the right person, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
2) Disagreements don’t derail you
Here’s something a little counterintuitive: Disagreements are actually a good sign.
If you’re in a relationship where you never argue, that could be a red flag. It might mean that one or both of you are suppressing your feelings to avoid conflict. And that’s not healthy.
In a strong relationship, disagreements are bound to happen. After all, you’re two individuals with unique perspectives. An occasional argument can be a sign that both of you feel safe enough to express your true feelings and stand up for your beliefs.
The key is how you handle these disagreements. If you can argue, listen to each other’s points of view, and then reach a resolution or compromise – that’s a good sign.
So, paradoxically, having disagreements but handling them well could indicate that you’ve settled down with the right person.
3) You’re still your own person
It’s easy to lose yourself in a relationship, especially when you’re deeply in love. But maintaining your individuality is crucial.
In a healthy relationship, both partners should encourage each other to pursue their own interests and passions, even if they don’t share them.
It’s all about respecting each other’s space and understanding that you are two separate beings with your own lives.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss the importance of maintaining your own identity while in a relationship.
If you’re with someone who supports you being ‘you’ and doesn’t expect you to morph into a version of ‘us’ that erases your individuality, it’s a good sign. This shows that you’ve settled down with the right person, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
4) You have shared values
Despite having individual interests and passions, it’s essential to have shared values in a successful relationship.
These could be anything – from having the same work ethic, similar views on family and parenting, to the importance of honesty and loyalty. It’s these shared values that form the bedrock of your relationship.
As psychology writer Madeline Miles points out in Better Up, “Shared values can also affect the dynamic between a couple. Because you have morals and principles in common, it creates an atmosphere where you can count on a partner’s understanding.”
So yes, you might have those occasional disagreements, but if your core beliefs are aligned, it means you’re both working from the same foundation. That shared foundation is often the difference between a relationship that simply survives and one that truly thrives.
5) They make you want to be better
Does your SO inspire you to be the best version of yourself? That’s a great sign, if you ask me.
It doesn’t mean they’re continually pointing out your flaws or trying to change you. Instead, they believe in your potential, even when you don’t. They motivate you to grow and improve, simply by being who they are.
In my own life, I’ve been blessed with a partner who constantly pushes me to step outside my comfort zone and explore new avenues. His faith in my abilities often exceeds my own, and it’s this encouragement that has propelled me to achieve more than I ever thought possible.
If your partner makes you want to be better – not for them, but for yourself – it’s a strong indication that you’ve settled down with the right person, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
6) They make you laugh
As the saying goes, “The love of your life will be able to make you laugh, even when you’re mad as hell.”
Does that ring true for your relationship? If so, then that’s another sign that you’ve chosen the right person to settle down with.
Having someone who can make you laugh, especially during tough times, can be a saving grace. It’s about sharing a sense of humor, finding joy in the same things, and being able to lighten each other’s spirits.
From personal experience, I can tell you that laughter has seen me through some of the most challenging periods in my relationship.
When everything else feels overwhelming, the ability to laugh together can act as a reset button, reminding you of the fun, light-hearted connection that brought you together in the first place.
7) They’ve seen you at your worst — and still love you
Let’s get real here: If you’ve found someone who has seen you at your absolute worst and still chooses to love you, you’ve found something special.
Life isn’t always pretty. It’s filled with moments of vulnerability, failure, and disappointment. It’s about finding that person who’ll hold your hand through this chaos and reassure you that it’s okay not to be perfect.
They’ve seen your flaws, your insecurities, and your mistakes. And yet, they choose to stay, to love you, and to fight for the relationship.
That raw acceptance of who you truly are – at your best and at your worst – is a powerful sign that you’ve settled down with the right person, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
Final thoughts
These are just some signs that you’ve settled down with the right person. However, remember that relationships aren’t always about ticking boxes or following a checklist.
It’s about the connection between two individuals – a connection that is deeply personal and unique.
Following on from this, I’d like to share a video by Justin Brown which delves into the complexities of finding a life partner. He reflects on his personal experience after a failed date and shares valuable lessons about understanding shared values and the significance of growth in a relationship. I believe this video can provide additional insights to support your journey.
In conclusion, remember that love is an ongoing journey of self-discovery and growth. It’s not always smooth, but it’s these challenges that make the journey worthwhile. So, embrace it – even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
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