7 things you don’t realize you’re doing because you seriously lack self-love

Self-love—it’s a term that gets thrown around a lot, but what does it really mean? More importantly, how do you know if you’re actually practicing it?

The truth is, a lack of self-love doesn’t always show up in obvious ways. It can hide in your habits, relationships, and even the way you talk to yourself. You might think you’re doing fine, but certain behaviors can quietly reveal a deeper struggle.

If you’ve ever wondered why you feel stuck, drained, or unfulfilled, it might be time to take a closer look.

Self-love isn’t about being perfect or selfish; it’s about valuing yourself enough to break free from patterns that don’t serve you.

Let’s explore seven things you might be doing without realizing they stem from a lack of self-love—and how you can start turning things around.

1) Devaluing your own achievements

We often find ourselves playing down our accomplishments, treating them as nothing special or simply a result of luck. This is a subtle sign of lacking self-love. You’re subconsciously telling yourself that you’re not good enough, or that your achievements aren’t worth celebrating.

In my journey, I’ve learned that acknowledging and celebrating our accomplishments is pivotal to cultivating self-love.

It’s not about becoming self-congratulatory or arrogant, but about recognizing the effort you’ve put in and giving yourself credit where it’s due.

When we downplay our success and brush off our achievements, we’re denying ourselves the recognition and appreciation we deserve. This can lead to a cycle of self-doubt and diminished self-confidence, preventing us from reaching our full potential.

Start appreciating your accomplishments for what they truly are – evidence of your hard work, talent, and persistence. Pat yourself on the back and celebrate your victories, however small they may seem. You’ve earned it.

2) Constantly comparing yourself to others

Another habit born out of a lack of self-love is the constant comparison to others. Whether it’s their achievements, their appearances, or their lifestyles, we often judge ourselves based on how we stack up against others.

I used to fall into this trap too, always measuring my worth through the lens of comparative success. But then I realized that this was just another way of undermining my own value and self-worth.

We’re all on our unique journeys, with our own set of skills, experiences, and challenges. Your worth isn’t defined by someone else’s journey. It’s defined by your own path and the progress you’re making on it.

As Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your personal growth and celebrate your unique journey.

After all, there’s only one you in this world – and that’s something to be proud of.

3) Neglecting your personal growth

One of the signs that you’re seriously lacking self-love is when you neglect your personal growth.

It’s easy to get caught in the cycle of day-to-day life and forget to invest in understanding ourselves better and breaking free from our self-imposed limitations.

In my own journey, I’ve found the teachings of shaman Rudá Iandê incredibly transformative. His “Free Your Mind” masterclass, which I had the privilege of co-producing, guides you to transcend societal conditioning and limiting beliefs, fostering greater authenticity and freedom in your life.

Through engaging exercises, Rudá dismantles common myths in the spiritual world and encourages you to develop your personal cosmovision. A notable exercise is about overcoming self-imposed limitations and embracing your true potential, promoting a mindset shift from frustration and guilt to love and acceptance.

If you’re ready to prioritize your personal growth and align your actions with your values, I’d highly recommend joining this masterclass. It’s a proactive step towards understanding yourself better and truly embracing self-love.

So why wait? Start your journey towards mental and emotional liberation today.

4) Ignoring your own needs

Often when we lack self-love, we end up ignoring our own needs. We put others first, to our own detriment. We neglect our wellbeing, our passions, and our dreams, all because we don’t believe we’re worthy of care and attention.

In the past, I’ve been guilty of this too. I’d put others’ needs before my own, leaving no room to nurture my personal growth.

It was only when I started investing in myself and prioritizing my needs did I truly start embracing self-love.

It’s crucial to understand that caring for your own needs doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you better equipped to help others and live a fulfilling life.

Ask yourself this: Are you ignoring your own needs? If so, what can you do today to start caring for yourself?

5) Avoiding discomfort

A surprising sign of lacking self-love is constantly striving for comfort. It may seem like self-care, but it’s actually a form of self-sabotage.

Let me explain.

When we avoid discomfort, we sidestep growth. We turn away from opportunities to learn, to challenge ourselves, and to evolve. We deny ourselves the chance to build resilience and strength.

To truly love ourselves, we must welcome discomfort and see it as an opportunity for growth.

It’s in facing our fears and challenging our limiting beliefs that we cultivate self-compassion and become capable of creating the lives we truly desire.

Discomfort is not your enemy; it’s your teacher. Embrace it, learn from it, grow with it.

6) Over-criticizing yourself

Self-criticism is another common but destructive habit that arises from a lack of self-love.

We tend to be our own harshest critics, scrutinizing our every action and berating ourselves for the smallest of mistakes.

I’ve certainly been down this road, holding myself to unattainable standards of perfection, and then beating myself up for not meeting them.

But here’s the truth I’ve learned: perfection doesn’t exist.

What matters is progress. Every mistake we make is an opportunity to learn and grow. Instead of criticizing ourselves, we should be celebrating our willingness to step out of our comfort zones and try something new.

Remember, you are human, and it’s okay to make mistakes. In fact, it’s through these mistakes that we learn the most valuable lessons.

So instead of berating yourself for your flaws, embrace them. They are part of what makes you unique and genuinely authentic.

7) Living in alignment with others’ expectations

Living your life based on the expectations of others is a clear sign that you lack self-love. When we constantly seek approval from others, we lose sight of our own wants, needs, and dreams.

I’ve been there too, trying to fit into societal molds and meet expectations that weren’t truly my own. But I learned that living for others is not truly living at all.

True freedom comes from being authentic and following your own path, not someone else’s. It’s about aligning your actions with your personal values and living a life that reflects who you truly are.

At the end of the day, it’s your life. Don’t let others dictate how you should live it. Instead, choose to live authentically and in alignment with your personal values. This is the true path to self-love.

Wrapping up

Recognizing the ways a lack of self-love shows up in your life is the first step toward breaking free from these patterns.

It’s not about blaming yourself or feeling ashamed—it’s about becoming aware and choosing to treat yourself with the kindness and care you truly deserve.

As you begin to replace these habits with more nurturing ones, you’ll notice a shift. Life feels lighter, your confidence grows, and you start to attract the kind of energy that uplifts and empowers you.

For those ready for a deeper exploration into personal growth and breaking free from societal conditioning, I highly recommend the free “Free Your Mind” masterclass with Rudá Iandê. I was deeply involved in producing this masterclass because I believe in its transformative power.

Rudá Iandê guides you to dismantle common spiritual myths and develop your personal cosmovision. You’ll learn how to overcome self-imposed limitations and embrace your true potential, promoting a mindset shift from frustration and guilt to love and acceptance.

Embarking on this masterclass is a proactive step towards fostering self-love. It’s an invitation to understand yourself better and truly embrace self-love.

Remember, loving yourself isn’t selfish—it’s the foundation for everything good in your life. Take it one step at a time, and give yourself grace along the way. You’re worth it.