7 things you’re unintentionally doing that push people away, according to psychology

Ever think, “I wish I had more friends” or “Why do people seem distant from me?”

Well, you’re not alone. And the answer might surprise you.

See, we all want to be liked and loved. But sometimes, without realizing, we do things that push people away. Yes, you read that right.

According to psychology, there are certain actions and habits we unknowingly adopt that can make us less inviting. Now, don’t worry, none of us are perfect. We all have our quirks and traits that might need a little adjustment.

So if you’re curious about what these behaviors might be, stick around. Below, we’ll dive into the seven things you’re unintentionally doing that could be pushing people away.

Alright, ready for some introspection? Let’s dive in!

1. Dominating conversations

Ever find yourself doing most of the talking when you’re with others? It’s easy to get carried away, especially when you’re passionate about a topic.

But here’s the deal.

Conversations are meant to be exchanges, not monologues. When we dominate the discussion, it can make the other person feel unheard or unimportant.

Psychologists suggest practicing active listening. This involves truly focusing on what the other person is saying, rather than planning your next response. It shows you value their thoughts and feelings.

2. Being overly negative

I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of this one.

A few years ago, I found myself in a bit of a rut. Every conversation seemed to turn into a rant about something that had gone wrong. I was frustrated with work, upset about personal issues, and it all started pouring out.

The thing is, nobody likes a constant downer. It’s emotionally draining. And soon, I noticed people were avoiding conversations with me.

Psychology tells us that negativity can be contagious. If we’re always complaining or focusing on the bad, it can push people away.

It was a tough pill to swallow, but it made me realize the importance of maintaining a positive outlook. Yes, we all have our bad days, but it’s crucial not to let negativity become our default state.

I now make a conscious effort to find the silver lining in difficult situations and share positive vibes as much as possible. It’s made a world of difference in my relationships.

3. Not owning up to your mistakes

Here’s something we all know but often forget – we’re human. And being human means making mistakes.

There was this one time when I messed up at work and tried to brush it under the carpet. I thought it would go unnoticed, or maybe someone else would get the blame.

But guess what? It didn’t go unnoticed. And worse, my attempt to dodge responsibility was glaringly obvious to my colleagues.

Psychology tells us that people respect those who can admit their mistakes and take steps to rectify them. On the other hand, shirking responsibility can lead to mistrust and create distance in relationships.

It was a hard lesson learned, but it taught me the value of honesty and integrity.

Now, when I mess up, I own it. It’s not always easy, but it’s definitely helped me build stronger, more authentic bonds with those around me.

4. Ignoring boundaries

Respecting boundaries is crucial in any relationship, be it with friends, family, or colleagues. These boundaries could be related to time, personal space, or even topics of conversation.

Now, the tricky part is that these boundaries often remain unspoken. So we might end up crossing them without even realizing it.

Here’s what psychology says – continually ignoring someone’s boundaries can make them feel disrespected or uncomfortable. Over time, this can push them away.

So how do we fix this?

It’s all about communication and empathy. Let’s try to understand others’ comfort zones and respect them.

5. Constantly being on your phone

Here’s a situation we’re all familiar with: you’re trying to have a conversation with someone, but they’re constantly glancing at their phone. Annoying, right?

In today’s digital age, our phones have become an extension of ourselves. The average person checks their phone 58 times a day!

But while we’re busy scrolling through social media or responding to emails, we might be neglecting the people right in front of us.

Psychology suggests that this constant distraction can make others feel unimportant or ignored, pushing them away over time.

The next time you’re with someone, try putting your phone away. Be present in the moment. It’s a small change that can make a big difference in your relationships.

6. Not showing empathy

We all go through ups and downs. And during those tough times, what we need most is someone who can understand and share our feelings.

I remember a friend who was going through a rough patch. She was opening up to me about her struggles, and instead of truly listening, I quickly jumped into problem-solving mode. I thought I was helping, but in reality, I was invalidating her feelings.

Psychologists emphasize the importance of empathy in relationships. By showing that we truly understand and share someone’s feelings, we can create strong, emotional bonds.

From that day on, I’ve learned to hold space for people to express their emotions. Sometimes, all we need to do is listen and show that we care.

7. Not being your authentic self

Here’s the big one: authenticity. Pretending to be someone you’re not is exhausting and it’s not fair to you or the people around you.

People can sense when you’re not being genuine. And while it might be tempting to put on a mask to fit in or impress others, it’s not sustainable.

Psychology tells us that authenticity is key to building strong, lasting relationships. People are drawn to honesty and genuineness.

So be yourself. Embrace your quirks, your passions, your strengths, and even your weaknesses. Authenticity attracts authenticity.

And those are the kind of connections that truly enrich our lives.

Final thoughts

If you’ve spotted some of your own behaviors in these points, don’t fret. Remember, self-awareness is the first step towards improvement.

Change may not come instantly, but with conscious effort and patience, we can modify our behaviors. It’s about creating a balance – respecting others while also honoring our own needs and feelings.

Start by recognizing these habits in your daily interactions. Each time you find yourself falling into these patterns, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself: “Am I being authentic? Am I respecting both myself and the other person?”

With time and practice, you’ll find it easier to avoid these pitfalls. You’ll notice your relationships becoming more satisfying and authentic. You’ll attract people who appreciate you for who you truly are.