8 behaviors of people who have high emotional intelligence but struggle in relationships

High emotional intelligence doesn’t always equate to smooth sailing in relationships. It’s a paradox, right?

Emotional intelligence means you’re skilled at recognizing and managing emotions – both your own and others. It makes sense that this would be a boon in relationships, yet, sometimes it’s not.

Why? Well, people with high emotional intelligence can also have relationship struggles, and there are some behaviors that tend to crop up.

In the following article, we’ll dive into these behaviors, why they occur, and how they impact one’s relationships.

Stay tuned if this sounds like you or someone you know. It’s going to be an enlightening ride.

1) Overanalyzing emotions

Having high emotional intelligence often means you’re extremely tuned in to emotions – yours and others’. This can be an incredible strength, allowing you to navigate social situations with ease and empathy.

But there can be a downside.

People with high emotional intelligence can sometimes fall into the trap of overanalyzing emotions. In relationships, this can mean dissecting every word, gesture, or tone of voice from your partner.

You may find yourself reading into things that aren’t there or creating problems where none exist. This constant overthinking can lead to misunderstandings, arguments, and unnecessary stress in the relationship.

It’s not all doom and gloom, though. Recognizing this behavior is the first step towards finding a healthier balance.

After all, emotional intelligence is about managing emotions effectively – not letting them manage you.

If this sounds like something you’ve done, don’t worry. We’re here to explore and understand these behaviors together.

2) Setting high expectations

I’ve always prided myself on my high emotional intelligence. I’ve been told I’m a great listener, empathetic, and understanding.

But when it comes to relationships, I’ve noticed a pattern where things seem to go awry, and it took me a long time to realize why.

I set high expectations – for myself and for my partners.

With my high emotional intelligence, I understand what good communication should look like, how empathy should be shown, and the importance of emotional availability.

And because I know these things, I expect them in my relationships.

But here’s the thing: not everyone communicates or shows empathy in the same way I do. And that’s okay.

What’s not okay is when I let these expectations lead to disappointment or resentment in my relationships. It’s something I’m actively working on – understanding that different doesn’t necessarily mean wrong or bad.

If you’re like me and you have high emotional intelligence but struggle in relationships, this might be a behavior you’re familiar with too.

Recognizing it is the first step towards creating healthier expectations and ultimately, healthier relationships.

3) Taking on others’ emotions

This one’s a biggie. People with high emotional intelligence have a knack for deeply understanding the feelings of those around them. This can be a beautiful thing, enabling strong connections and empathy.

However, there’s a flip side to this coin.

Often, those with high emotional intelligence can unintentionally take on the emotions of others. This emotional mirroring can lead to feelings of overwhelm and stress, especially when the emotions being mirrored are negative.

In relationships, this can create a heavy emotional burden. If your partner is upset, you might find yourself feeling equally upset, even if the issue at hand doesn’t directly affect you.

Watching someone else experiencing an emotional event activates the same regions of the brain as if we were experiencing it ourselves.

This explains why people with high emotional intelligence may find themselves absorbing other people’s emotions.

Being aware of this tendency can help you to create boundaries and protect your own emotional well-being within your relationships.

4) Struggle with self-care

People with high emotional intelligence are often so attuned to the emotions and needs of others that they can neglect their own.

This self-sacrificing nature can lead to burnout and resentment, both of which are damaging to relationships.

It’s a common misconception that taking care of oneself is selfish. But the truth is, self-care is essential for maintaining emotional health and well-being.

In relationships, it’s important to balance caring for others with caring for oneself. If you’re constantly putting your partner’s needs before your own, you may find your own emotional reserves depleted.

It’s not only okay but necessary to prioritize yourself sometimes. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Recognizing this behavior is a crucial step towards building more balanced and fulfilling relationships.

5) Fear of conflict

For those with high emotional intelligence, an acute awareness of feelings can sometimes translate into a fear of conflict.

They can sense tension building, they understand the potential for hurt feelings, and they often do whatever it can take to avoid it.

But here’s the heartfelt truth: conflict is a natural part of relationships. It’s not something to fear but rather an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding.

Avoiding conflict might seem like the best way to keep the peace. But in reality, it can lead to unresolved issues and resentment.

In a relationship, it’s important to remember that it’s okay to disagree.

It’s okay to express your feelings, even if they’re negative. Conflict can be a bridge to greater intimacy and understanding if navigated with respect and care.

If you find yourself constantly avoiding conflict in your relationships, take heart.

Recognizing this behavior is a big step towards healthier communication and greater emotional intimacy.

6) Difficulty saying no

For a long time, I found myself saying yes to everything. I’d agree to plans I didn’t want to make, take on tasks I didn’t have time for, and compromise on things that were important to me.

All in the name of keeping those around me happy.

But here’s what I’ve learned: constantly saying yes is not sustainable. It leads to resentment, burnout, and a loss of personal boundaries.

People with high emotional intelligence sometimes struggle with this because they’re so attuned to the happiness of others. They can see how their ‘yes’ makes someone else feel good, and that can be hard to resist.

In relationships, this can lead to a dynamic where one person’s needs and wants are consistently placed above the other’s. And that’s not healthy or fair.

Learning to say no is an important skill. It’s about setting boundaries and valifying your own needs and wants. It’s a lesson I’m still learning, but one that has made a significant difference in my relationships.

7) Over-empathizing

Empathy is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence. It allows us to understand and share the feelings of others, fostering a deep sense of connection.

But, like most things, it’s possible to have too much of a good thing.

People with high emotional intelligence can sometimes over-empathize. They can become so wrapped up in someone else’s emotions that they lose sight of their own feelings and needs.

In relationships, this can lead to imbalance and emotional overload. If you’re always taking on your partner’s emotions, it can be hard to keep track of where their feelings end and yours begin.

Becoming aware of this behavior is the first step towards striking a healthier balance between empathy and self-preservation. It’s possible to understand and validate someone else’s feelings without taking them on as your own.

8) Struggling to accept imperfections

The most important thing to understand is this: high emotional intelligence can sometimes lead to a struggle with accepting imperfections – in ourselves and in others.

We know what good emotional health looks like. We understand the importance of effective communication, empathy, and emotional availability.

And because we know these things, we might hold ourselves and our partners to a high standard.

But no one is perfect. Everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. It’s part of being human.

In relationships, it’s crucial to remember this. Accepting imperfections doesn’t mean settling for less than you deserve. It means understanding that everyone is a work in progress, including yourself.

This acceptance can lead to deeper understanding, stronger connections, and ultimately healthier relationships.

Food for thought: It’s about balance

The complexity of human emotions and relationships is a fascinating field, deeply intertwined with our emotional intelligence.

High emotional intelligence, while a strength, can sometimes lead to unexpected struggles in relationships.

As we’ve explored, behaviors such as overanalyzing emotions, taking on others’ feelings, or failing to set boundaries can become obstacles in forming healthy relationships.

Yet, it’s important to remember that recognizing these behaviors is a significant step towards change.

It’s about finding that sweet spot – leveraging your emotional intelligence to form deep connections and empathize with others, while maintaining your own emotional health and boundaries.

The renowned psychologist David Caruso once said, “Emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of heart over head — it is the unique intersection of both.”

So, as you navigate your relationships with this newfound understanding, remember it’s all about balance.

Your high emotional intelligence is a gift. With mindfulness and practice, you can use it to foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

It’s a journey of self-discovery and growth. And you’ve already taken the first step.