8 signs someone is actually not a good person (even if they seem nice on the surface)

It’s a truth universally acknowledged, not everyone who smiles at you has your best interest at heart.

In fact, some individuals are masters at maintaining a facade of niceness while concealing their less than stellar character traits.

Recognizing these wolves in sheep’s clothing isn’t always easy, but it’s crucial for your emotional well-being.

In this article, we’ll uncover the 8 signs someone may not be the good person they appear to be, even if they seem nice on the surface.

Let’s get started.

1) They’re often self-centered

We all have times when we have to put ourselves first. But there’s a stark difference between self-care and self-centeredness.

People who are not as good as they appear to be can often display an overbearing level of self-interest. They have a knack for steering every conversation back to themselves, disregarding others’ feelings or experiences.

It’s not always easy to spot this trait, especially if the person is adept at feigning interest in others. But if you pay close attention, you’ll notice the recurring pattern of them prioritizing their needs and wants over others.

This is a clear sign that beneath the surface, they might not be as nice as they seem. A good person values the feelings and well-being of others and doesn’t always put themselves center stage.

2) Lack of empathy

A lack of empathy is a big red flag. People who aren’t truly good often struggle to understand or share the feelings of others.

I experienced this firsthand with a so-called friend. On the surface, she was charming and friendly, always ready with a vibrant smile. But when I went through a difficult breakup, her lack of empathy was glaringly obvious.

Instead of offering support or understanding, she brushed off my feelings, even suggesting that I was overreacting. It was a painful realization but made me understand that beneath her pleasant exterior, she lacked the fundamental quality of empathy.

Kind-hearted people will always try to empathize with your feelings and situations, offering comfort when you’re down. If they can’t do that, it might be time to question their true character.

3) They’re quick to judge

Good people understand that everyone has their own story and reasons behind their actions. They don’t rush to judge others based on a single act or circumstance.

On the other hand, individuals who aren’t as nice as they seem are often quick to pass judgment. They tend to see the world in black and white, with no room for understanding or acceptance of differences.

Judgments are more about their insecurities than the people they are judging.

If someone is quick to judge others without knowing the whole story, you might want to question their true colors.

4) They’re manipulative

Another sign that someone may not be as good as they seem is manipulation. These individuals use tactics to influence others’ decisions or actions to their advantage, often disregarding the other person’s feelings or needs.

Manipulative people are skilled at making you feel guilty or indebted to them. They might use emotional blackmail, play the victim, twist the truth, or use passive-aggressive behavior to get their way.

If you find yourself constantly feeling manipulated or pressured into doing things you’re not comfortable with, it’s a clear sign that this person may not genuinely have your best interests at heart. Good people respect your autonomy and don’t use manipulative tactics to achieve their goals.

5) They’re consistently unreliable

When someone shows you they can’t be trusted, it’s a heartbreaking realization. One such sign of a not-so-good person is their lack of reliability.

These individuals might constantly cancel plans at the last minute, fail to follow through on promises, or be chronically late. This lack of consideration shows that they don’t value your time or feelings.

It’s hard when you care about someone, and they continually let you down. But remember, a good person respects your time and is reliable in their commitments. If someone consistently disappoints you, it might be time to reconsider their place in your life.

6) They take more than they give

Relationships are about give and take. But when someone always takes and rarely gives back, it can drain you emotionally and mentally.

I recall a former colleague who would always ask for favors but rarely ever returned them. She’d ask for help with projects, even personal errands. Yet, when I needed her assistance, she was always too busy.

This one-sidedness left me feeling used and undervalued. It was a clear sign that beneath her friendly demeanor, she wasn’t a good person.

Good people understand the importance of reciprocity in relationships. If someone consistently takes more than they give, it may be a sign of their true character.

7) They’re cruel to those who can’t fight back

How someone treats those who can’t fight back is a great indicator of their true character. This could be how they interact with waitstaff, animals, children, or anyone in a less powerful position.

These individuals might belittle, ignore, or mistreat these individuals when they think no one is watching. This kind of behavior is a clear indication of a person’s lack of empathy and respect for others, key qualities that good people possess.

Watch out for how someone acts towards those who can’t defend themselves. It’s often a revealing sign of their true character.

8) They don’t respect boundaries

One of the biggest red flags of a not-so-good person is their disregard for boundaries. Personal boundaries are crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, and anyone who respects you will respect your boundaries too.

These individuals may constantly cross the line, make you feel uncomfortable, or pressure you into situations you’re not okay with. It’s an intentional disregard for your feelings and autonomy.

Your feelings and comfort matter. Anyone who disrespects your boundaries is showing you a glimpse of their true character, no matter how nice they may seem on the surface.