8 subtle behaviors of people who aren’t selfish enough in life

There’s a fine line between being selfless and being too self-sacrificing.

This line often gets blurred when we’re too caught up in putting others before ourselves.

It’s not about becoming a selfish person, but about understanding the importance of self-care and setting boundaries.

Being too selfless can lead to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and feeling unappreciated.

And trust me, there are subtle behaviors that can reveal if you aren’t selfish enough in life.

So, let’s dive into these 8 signs that you might be giving too much of yourself away.

It’s time to take a step back and prioritize your own needs too.

1) Constantly putting others first

There’s a common trend among those who aren’t selfish enough in life – they’re always prioritizing others over themselves.

And I mean always.

While it’s admirable to have a heart for others, there’s a danger in forgetting about your own needs and desires.

This can lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, and even health issues in the long run.

Think about it.

When was the last time you put your own needs first without feeling guilt or anxiety?

If it’s been a while, this might be a clear sign that you’re not being selfish enough.

It’s not about disregarding others completely, but about finding a balance between caring for others and caring for yourself.

So, if you find yourself always at the bottom of your own priority list, it may be time to reassess and start practicing more self-care.

Because let’s face it, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

2) Difficulty saying no

This one hits close to home. I used to be that person who just couldn’t utter the word ‘no’.

Whether it was taking on extra work, agreeing to social plans I didn’t have the energy for, or lending a hand when I was already stretched thin, I felt obligated to always say ‘yes’.

And trust me, it took a toll.

I was perpetually exhausted, stressed, and felt like I was living on other people’s terms, not my own.

It took a lot of reflection and courage to start asserting my boundaries and learning to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty.

If you find yourself in a similar boat, unable to decline requests even when you’re overburdened, it’s a clear sign you’re not being selfish enough.

Saying ‘no’ doesn’t make you a bad person.

It just means you’re taking care of your own mental and physical wellbeing first.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

3) Over apologizing

Have you ever found yourself saying sorry for things that weren’t your fault, or even for just existing?

This behavior is surprisingly common among those who aren’t selfish enough.

Research shows that people who have a tendency to over apologize often do so because they want to avoid conflict or because they’re overly concerned with pleasing others.

But this can lead to a cycle where they constantly feel at fault, even when they’re not.

It’s important to recognize when an apology is truly necessary and when it’s a reflex response stemming from an unhealthy need to keep peace at all costs.

Standing up for yourself and asserting your rights doesn’t require an apology.

You’re entitled to your feelings, your space, and your peace of mind.

Don’t let unnecessary apologies undermine your self-worth.

4) Lack of resilience

Now, this might surprise you, but those who aren’t selfish enough often lack resilience or mental toughness.

They bend over backward to accommodate others and when things get tough, they don’t have the strength to bounce back.

Why is that?

Well, the constant self-sacrifice leaves them drained and without the energy or mental resources to cope with adversities.

They’re so used to putting others first that they forget how to stand up for themselves.

In my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, I delve into this issue in detail.

I talk about how important it is to build mental toughness and resilience in order to lead a balanced and fulfilling life.

Being resilient doesn’t mean you don’t care about others—it means you’re strong enough to take care of yourself too.

5) Neglecting personal passions

I remember a time in my life when I was so caught up in fulfilling the expectations and needs of others, that I completely lost touch with my own passions.

My love for painting and writing took a backseat as I tried to please everyone around me.

I would tell myself that it was a necessary sacrifice, that my passions could wait.

But over time, I felt a growing sense of emptiness and dissatisfaction.

It was like I had silenced a part of me that was essential to my happiness and identity.

If this sounds familiar, it could be a sign that you’re not being selfish enough.

When you consistently ignore your own interests and passions to accommodate others, it can lead to resentment, burnout, and a loss of self-identity.

So, take some time out for yourself.

Rediscover those hobbies or activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

6) Overly adaptable

Adaptability is usually seen as a positive trait, right?

Well, not always.

Too much adaptability can mean that you’re constantly molding yourself to fit into others’ expectations, neglecting your own needs and desires in the process.

You may pride yourself on being the ‘go-with-the-flow’ type, but too much of it can lead to a loss of personal identity.

A study published in the Leadership & Organization Development Journal found that while adaptability is essential for effective leadership, it must be balanced with a strong sense of personal identity to prevent negative outcomes.

If you’re always the one adjusting your plans, accommodating others’ preferences, and going along with what others want, stop and ask yourself: Are my needs being met?

Am I losing myself in the process?

Being adaptable and flexible is good to a certain extent, but not at the cost of your own well-being or self-respect.

7) Feeling guilty for self-care

Do you feel guilty when you take time out for self-care?

Do you worry that you’re being too indulgent or selfish when you’re simply taking care of your own needs?

If so, it’s a clear sign that you aren’t selfish enough.

Self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity.

It’s about maintaining your physical, emotional, and mental health so that you can be your best self.

Yet, many of us feel guilty when we prioritize self-care over helping others.

Caring for yourself isn’t selfish.

It’s essential for your well-being and enables you to care for others in a more sustainable way.

8) Low self-esteem

At the root of all these behaviors is often low self-esteem.

When you don’t value yourself enough, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-sacrifice, thinking that others’ needs are more important than your own.

Research indicates that individuals with low self-esteem are more prone to regret sacrifices made in relationships, as they may feel less supported by their partners, leading to negative mood and decreased life satisfaction.

If you’re constantly doubting your worth or feeling like you need to earn love and appreciation by always being there for others, that’s a major red flag.

It’s a sign that you’re not being selfish enough and it’s time to start valuing yourself more.

You are important.

Your needs matter.

Your feelings are valid.

And you deserve to be treated with respect and consideration, just like everyone else.

It’s about balance

Human behavior is complex and layered with nuances.

Our tendencies to prioritize others over ourselves can often be deeply ingrained, stemming from personal experiences, societal expectations, or even our own insecurities.

But recognizing these subtle behaviors is the first step towards change.

It’s about understanding that being selfless doesn’t mean neglecting yourself.

It’s about finding a balance between caring for others and caring for yourself.

In my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, I explore this balance in depth and provide practical tools to help you cultivate resilience and self-care.

As you go about your journey towards becoming more ‘selfish’, remember that it’s not about disregarding others but about honoring your own needs and boundaries.

It’s about understanding that you matter and that your needs are as important as anyone else’s.

So, reflect on these behaviors.

Are you constantly putting others first?

Do you find it hard to say no?

Are you neglecting your passions?

If so, it might be time to start being a little more selfish.