9 things narcissists will do to make you feel guilty for being yourself, says psychology

Guilt is a powerful tool, and narcissists know exactly how to use it.

They’ll twist your words, dismiss your feelings, and make you question yourself—all to keep control. Before you know it, you’re apologizing for things that aren’t your fault and shrinking yourself to avoid conflict.

The worst part? They make it seem like you’re the problem.

Psychology tells us that narcissists have specific tactics to make you feel guilty just for being who you are. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step to breaking free from their influence and standing firm in your own truth.

Here are nine things narcissists do to make you feel guilty—and how to spot them before they take hold.

1) They dismiss your feelings

One of the quickest ways a narcissist can make you feel guilty is by invalidating your emotions.

You express frustration, disappointment, or even joy—only to be met with eye-rolls, sarcasm, or outright dismissal. They might say things like “You’re overreacting” or “That’s not a big deal”, making you second-guess your own experiences.

Over time, this constant dismissal can make you feel like your emotions aren’t valid or that you’re being unreasonable for simply feeling the way you do. And once you start doubting yourself, it becomes easier for them to control the narrative.

But here’s the truth: Your feelings are real, and they matter. Recognizing when someone is trying to minimize them is the first step in breaking free from their manipulation.

2) They make you feel selfish for setting boundaries

I’ll never forget the time I finally told a certain person in my life that I needed space.

Their response? “Wow, I guess I’m just a terrible person then.”

I hadn’t accused them of anything. I hadn’t been rude. I had simply explained that I needed some time to focus on myself. But somehow, they managed to flip the situation and make me feel like I was being cruel for taking care of my own well-being.

That’s what narcissists do. The moment you set a boundary, they act like you’re being unfair, unreasonable, or even heartless.

They’ll say things like “I guess you don’t care about me at all” or “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?”—all designed to make you feel guilty for prioritizing yourself.

But having boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. And anyone who truly cares about you will respect them instead of trying to tear them down.

3) They use the silent treatment to punish you

When a narcissist doesn’t get their way, they won’t always argue or lash out. Sometimes, they’ll simply go silent.

Ignoring someone as a form of control is a psychological tactic known as “silent treatment abuse.” It’s a way to make you feel unsettled, anxious, and desperate for their approval.

Studies have shown that the brain processes social rejection in the same way it processes physical pain, which is why being ignored can feel so unbearable.

The moment you start questioning what you did wrong or scrambling to make things right, they know they have control. And once they decide to acknowledge you again, you’ll feel relieved—even if you weren’t the one who did anything wrong in the first place.

Healthy relationships don’t involve silent punishments. If someone truly cares about you, they’ll communicate—not weaponize their silence against you.

4) They twist your words against you

A narcissist has a way of taking something you said and completely distorting it to make you look like the bad guy.

You might express a simple concern, like “I need more time for myself”, and suddenly they’re saying things like, “Oh, so now I’m a burden to you?” or “I can’t believe you would say something so hurtful.”

Before you know it, the conversation isn’t about your needs anymore—it’s about defending yourself from accusations that don’t even make sense.

But remember: You are not responsible for how someone chooses to misinterpret your words. If your intentions were clear and honest, don’t let them convince you otherwise.

5) They compare you to others to make you feel inadequate

Narcissists love to keep you feeling like you’re never quite good enough. One of their favorite ways to do this is by comparing you to someone else.

They might say things like, “Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?” or “[Someone else] would never act this way.”

At first, it might seem like an innocent remark, but over time, these comparisons can wear you down, making you feel like you constantly have to prove your worth.

The truth is, this isn’t about helping you improve—it’s about control. By making you feel inadequate, they keep you in a cycle of seeking their validation. And as long as they have that power over you, they know they can manipulate your sense of self-worth.

You don’t need to be like anyone else to be valuable. The right people will appreciate you for who you are—not for how well you measure up to someone else.

6) They make you feel guilty for your success

You should never have to apologize for your achievements. But when you’re dealing with a narcissist, even your success can be used against you.

Instead of celebrating with you, they might downplay your accomplishments, act indifferent, or even make you feel bad for them.

They’ll say things like, “Must be nice to have everything handed to you” or “I wish I had the opportunities you did.” Suddenly, what should be a moment of pride turns into a moment of guilt.

No one should make you feel like you have to shrink yourself just to keep them comfortable. Your hard work, talent, and dedication deserve to be recognized—especially by the people who claim to care about you.

Real support doesn’t come with resentment. The right people will cheer you on without making you feel like your success is something to be ashamed of.

7) They make jokes at your expense and call you too sensitive

Some of the most painful words don’t come from outright insults—they come disguised as “just jokes.”

It starts small. A little dig about your appearance, a sarcastic remark about your abilities, a mocking comment about something you care about. When you push back, they laugh and say, “Relax, it was just a joke,” or “Wow, you’re so sensitive.”

But deep down, it doesn’t feel like a joke. It feels like a slow erosion of confidence, like you’re constantly being tested to see how much you’ll tolerate. And after a while, you start wondering if maybe they’re right—maybe you are overreacting.

You’re not. Respect doesn’t come with conditions, and love isn’t supposed to make you feel small.

If someone’s humor consistently hurts you, it’s not a joke—it’s a tactic to make you doubt yourself while giving them an easy way out.

8) They bring up your past mistakes to keep you in line

Everyone makes mistakes, but a narcissist won’t let you forget yours.

Even if you’ve apologized, even if you’ve grown from it, they’ll keep bringing it up—especially when you try to stand up for yourself.

The moment you call out their behavior or set a boundary, they’ll remind you of something you did months or even years ago, just to make you feel like you have no right to speak up.

It’s not about resolution. It’s about control. By keeping you stuck in guilt, they make sure you never feel like you have the moral high ground. And if they can keep you feeling ashamed, they can keep you from holding them accountable.

But your past mistakes don’t define you—your growth does. The people who truly care about you won’t weaponize your past against you; they’ll recognize the person you’ve worked to become.

9) They make you feel like you have to earn their love

With a narcissist, love isn’t freely given—it’s a transaction.

One day, they shower you with affection, making you feel like the most important person in the world. The next, they’re cold and distant, leaving you wondering what you did wrong.

And that’s the trap. You start bending over backward, trying to win back their approval, believing that if you just do enough, they’ll finally treat you the way you deserve.

But real love doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t disappear when you set boundaries. It doesn’t make you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. And it definitely doesn’t leave you questioning your worth.

Bottom line: It was never your fault

Guilt is a powerful emotion, but when it’s manufactured by someone else to control you, it becomes a burden you were never meant to carry.

Psychologists describe narcissistic manipulation as a cycle—one designed to make you doubt yourself, shrink your boundaries, and seek approval that will never truly come.

But the most important thing to remember is this: The way they made you feel was intentional, but that doesn’t mean it was justified.

You were never too sensitive, too selfish, or too much. You were simply being yourself. And no one who genuinely cares about you will ever make you feel guilty for that.