Everyone told me that making friends as an adult is impossible. They were wrong. Here’s what actually works.

I used to believe that making friends as an adult was nearly impossible. People said things like, “Once you leave school, it’s over” or “Everyone’s too busy with their own lives.”

And for a while, I bought into that idea.

But then, I started paying attention to the people around me—the ones who always seemed to have an active social life.

They weren’t just lucky. They were doing things differently. So, I decided to test a few approaches myself.

What I found? Making friends as an adult isn’t impossible—it just requires a little effort and a shift in mindset. Here’s what actually works.

1) Be proactive

First up, making new friends often requires you to step out of your comfort zone.

Waiting around for others to make the first move rarely works. Instead, you need to take the initiative. If you meet someone you think you could be friends with, ask them to grab a coffee or invite them to a social event.

This might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re shy or introverted. But remember, most people appreciate it when others show an interest in them. Plus, the more you do it, the easier it gets.

So don’t be afraid to make the first move. It might just lead to a wonderful new friendship.

2) Start small

When I first moved to a new city, I was overwhelmed with the idea of making new friends. It seemed like a daunting task that required a lot of time and energy.

But then, I decided to try a different approach. Instead of trying to make a bunch of friends all at once, I started small.

I focused on making one new connection a week. It could be as simple as having a meaningful conversation with a coworker or striking up a chat with someone at the gym.

For instance, one day I complimented a woman on her running shoes while waiting in line for coffee. We ended up having a lovely chat about our shared love for running and even exchanged numbers to go for a run together sometime.

This simple strategy took off the pressure and made the process more manageable. It not only helped me gradually build my social circle, but also made me realize that potential friends are everywhere. You just have to take the initiative to reach out.

3) Join a hobby club

Have you ever heard of Meetup? It’s an online platform that allows you to join groups with similar interests. From book clubs to hiking groups, there’s something for everyone.

According to psychology, shared hobbies and interests are a great foundation for lasting friendships. When you engage in activities that you love, you’re not only enjoying yourself but also meeting like-minded individuals.

Joining a club or a group based on your interests gives you an automatic conversation starter and common ground with everyone there. It takes away the awkwardness of trying to find something to talk about, and instead, lets you bond over a shared passion. It’s a win-win situation.

4) Embrace vulnerability — in small doses

One of the biggest barriers to making friends as an adult is our own fear. We’re scared of being judged or rejected.

But here’s the truth: Vulnerability can be a powerful tool for connection.

Brené Brown, a renowned research professor, has spent years studying the impact of vulnerability on human connections. Her findings? Allowing yourself to be vulnerable can actually deepen relationships and create stronger bonds.

That doesn’t mean spilling your deepest secrets—it means being open about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

People connect through shared emotions. If someone talks about struggling with work stress, instead of brushing it off, you can say, “Yeah, I totally get that. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed too lately.” Small moments of honesty create deeper bonds.

When I started opening up about my own fears and insecurities, something amazing happened. People didn’t push me away. Instead, they related to my experiences and opened up in return.

This might sound scary, but believe me, it works.

The key is balance. Being too closed off makes it hard for people to connect with you, but oversharing too soon can be overwhelming. Find the middle ground, and let friendships develop naturally.

And yes, not everyone will respond positively. But the ones who do? They’re worth the risk.

5) Don’t rush the process

While vulnerability is effective for growing friendships, don’t make the mistake of rushing it either.

This was a mistake I made early on. I wanted to immediately have the same level of connection and intimacy that I had with my old friends. But deep friendships take time to develop.

Getting to know someone new is like reading a book. You can’t skip to the last chapter and expect to understand everything. You have to read it page by page, experiencing all the highs and lows, twists and turns.

I learned this lesson the hard way when I pushed too hard for a close friendship too soon, and it ended up pushing the person away.

So remember, patience is key when making new friends. Enjoy the journey of getting to know each other, and let the friendship develop naturally.

6) Keep an open mind

When it comes to making friends as an adult, it’s easy to get caught up in our own expectations. We might have a specific idea of the “type” of friend we’re looking for, and inadvertently overlook potential friendships.

Keeping an open mind is essential. You never know who you might connect with. It could be someone from a different generation, culture, or a person who has different interests from you.

By remaining open to new people and experiences, you broaden your social horizons and increase your chances of making meaningful connections.

So next time you meet someone who doesn’t exactly fit your “friend mold”, give them a chance. You might be pleasantly surprised.

7) Be yourself

The most important piece of advice I can give you is this: Be yourself.

Authenticity attracts authenticity. When you’re genuine about who you are and what you believe in, you attract people who appreciate you for you, not for who they want you to be.

Pretending to be someone you’re not just to fit in or make friends can be exhausting and ultimately unfulfilling. Authentic friendships are built on mutual respect and understanding, and they can’t be forced.

So let your true self shine. It’s the best way to attract the right people into your life. The ones who will celebrate your quirks, support your dreams, and stand by you through thick and thin – just as you are.

Wrapping up

Making friends as an adult isn’t impossible—it just requires a shift in approach.

Unlike childhood or school days, where friendships form naturally through constant proximity, adult friendships take a bit more effort and intentionality.

But here’s the good news: once you start applying these strategies, making meaningful connections becomes much easier.

The biggest takeaway? You have to put yourself out there. Whether it’s joining a group, initiating plans, or saying yes to opportunities, friendships don’t happen if you stay in your comfort zone.

It might feel awkward at first, especially if you’re not used to taking the first step. But every time you make an effort, you increase your chances of forming real connections.

It’s also important to manage expectations. Not every attempt will lead to a lifelong friendship, and that’s okay.

Some people will come and go, and not everyone will click with you. But that’s part of the process. What matters is that you keep showing up, staying open, and being intentional about the relationships you want to build.

At the end of the day, friendships are about shared experiences, trust, and mutual effort. The more you invest in building connections, the more rewarding they become.

So, if you’ve been feeling like making friends as an adult is impossible, challenge that belief. Take small steps, put yourself in the right places, and don’t be afraid to reach out.

You might be surprised by how many people are looking for the exact same thing—a genuine, meaningful friendship.