I thought love was the key to happiness—until I realized I thrived alone. Here’s how to tell if you do too

I used to believe that love—romantic love, to be specific—was the ultimate key to happiness. That finding the right person would make everything fall into place, filling my life with meaning, purpose, and endless joy.

After all, isn’t that what we’re told? That life is meant to be shared, that being alone is just a phase, and that true fulfillment comes from finding “your person”?

But at some point, I had to ask myself: If love is supposed to complete me, why did I feel more whole when I was alone?

The more time I spent on my own, the more I realized that solitude wasn’t something to escape—it was something that made me thrive.

If you’ve ever felt like relationships drain you more than they fulfill you, or that your happiest moments happen when you’re alone, you might just be someone who thrives in solitude too. Here’s how to tell.

1. You find peace in your solitude

It’s all about finding balance, isn’t it?

In relationships, we often talk about balancing our time, interests, and emotional needs with our partner.

But when it comes to thriving alone, it’s about achieving a different kind of equilibrium—the balance between our need for social interaction and our need for solitude.

The moment you start to find a unique sense of peace in your solitude, that’s when you begin to see the shift.

You start to enjoy the quiet moments, the freedom of making decisions purely based on your own preferences, and the sense of self-reliance that comes with it.

If you’re feeling more relaxed, content, and at ease when you’re by yourself compared to when you’re in a relationship, it might just be an indication that you thrive better alone.

It’s not about rejecting love or companionship, but rather understanding that for some people — and that might include you — happiness doesn’t have to hinge on being with someone else. It’s about realizing that sometimes, solitude can be its own form of bliss.

2. You don’t feel “lonely” even when single

For a lot of people, being single feels like a waiting period—like something to get through until the right person comes along.

But for you, it’s just life as usual. You don’t spend your nights longing for someone to fill a void because, well, there is no void.

You enjoy your own company and never feel like you’re missing out just because you’re not in a relationship.

Sure, you appreciate companionship, and you’re not against love. But you don’t rely on it for happiness.

You’ve built a life that’s fulfilling on its own, whether that means traveling solo, pursuing hobbies, or simply enjoying quiet evenings with a book.

Being single doesn’t feel like an empty space that needs to be filled. It feels like freedom—one that lets you live on your own terms, without waiting for someone else to make it meaningful.

3. You cherish your personal space

One of the biggest perks of being alone is having your own personal space—both physically and emotionally.

When I was on my own, I realized that I loved having a space that was entirely mine. A place where I could create an environment that reflected my tastes, my personality, and my mood without having to consider anyone else.

But more than just physical space, I also started to appreciate the emotional space.

The freedom to feel my emotions without needing to explain or justify them to someone else.

The liberty to have a bad day and not worry about how it might affect someone close to me.

If you find yourself appreciating your own personal space—whether it’s your home, your time, or your emotions—it could be another sign that you too might thrive better alone.

4. You struggle with the compromises relationships require

Relationships are all about give and take, but if you’re someone who thrives alone, the “give” part often feels like too much.

You like making decisions based on what works best for you, without having to consider someone else’s schedule, preferences, or emotions.

It’s not that you’re selfish—you just function best when you have full control over your own life.

Maybe you’ve been in relationships before and felt like you were constantly adjusting, making sacrifices that didn’t feel natural. Or maybe the thought of having to explain your choices to someone else already feels exhausting.

Either way, compromise doesn’t come easily to you, and deep down, you don’t want it to.

The idea of a relationship might sound nice in theory, but in practice, it often feels like too much effort. And if something feels more like a burden than a joy, why force it?

As Bonnie Scott, therapist and founder of Mindful Kindness Counseling, shared with Business Insider:

“On many levels, there’s mental health benefits of feeling free to drive your life. It’s empowering. And in many ways, a much more straightforward way to live than people who are not single.”

5. You prefer deep connections over casual dating

Small talk, meaningless flings, and surface-level relationships just don’t do it for you. If you’re going to invest your time and energy into someone, there has to be real depth.

You want conversations that matter, connections that feel significant, and a bond that goes beyond just having someone to text back and forth.

This is probably why casual dating never appealed to you. The idea of swiping through endless profiles or making awkward small talk on first dates feels more draining than exciting.

You’d rather spend your time alone than in situations that don’t genuinely fulfill you.

For you, love isn’t about having someone just for the sake of it. It’s about finding something real—and if that means waiting, or even staying single indefinitely, you’re perfectly okay with that.

6. You value independence more than partnership

Some people dream of finding a partner to share every aspect of life with. You, on the other hand, dream of having the space to live life on your own terms.

Independence isn’t just a preference for you—it’s a core part of who you are.

You love being able to make decisions without checking in with someone else. You enjoy having the freedom to structure your days exactly how you want.

Even the little things, like choosing what to watch or where to eat, feel more satisfying when they’re entirely your choice.

It’s not that you reject relationships altogether. It’s just that, when you weigh your love for independence against the idea of being part of a couple, independence always seems to sound more appealing.

7. You feel more like yourself when you’re not in a relationship

Have you ever noticed that you feel lighter, freer, and more like yourself when you’re single?

Maybe past relationships left you feeling constrained, like you had to shrink parts of yourself to fit into someone else’s life. Or maybe, like me, the simple act of being with another person made you feel like you had to play a role instead of just being you.

When you’re alone, there’s no pressure. You don’t have to worry about how you come across, whether your needs are too much, or if you’re making the “right” choices for the relationship.

You can just exist, fully and unapologetically.

That feeling—the sense of being at home within yourself—is why you don’t rush into relationships. Because at the end of the day, nothing feels better than being completely at peace with who you are.

Embracing solitude

If you resonate with these signs, it’s likely you are someone who thrives better alone. And that’s perfectly okay.

Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely. It means you’re comfortable in your own company, you value your own space and independence, and most importantly, you’re on a unique journey of personal growth and self-discovery.

Take a moment to reflect. Are you making decisions based on what others expect of you or what truly makes you happy? Are societal norms shaping your life more than your own desires?

It may not be easy to step away from the norm and embrace solitude. But remember, your path is unique to you. It doesn’t have to align with societal expectations or norms.

With consistent self-awareness and reflection, you can start prioritizing your own needs and desires. Each small act of embracing your solitude builds self-trust and confidence.

When we nurture our self-love and fill our own cups first, we gain an abundance of energy to live authentically. Our compassion for ourselves runs far deeper.

So be kind to yourself as you walk this journey. Celebrate the small wins. Seek support when needed.

Over time, solitude can become second nature. And you may just find the most authentic version of yourself – one that derives joy from uplifting oneself while honoring personal fulfillment.