If you recognize these 8 behaviors, your partner isn’t actually a good person

When your partner yells, you might sense they’re upset; when they apologize, you might believe they’re sorry.

That’s the surface-level of relationships—relationships can be complex, and it’s not always easy to see a partner’s true character, especially when emotions are involved.

But often, it’s what lies beneath that tells the real story; the truth is, certain behaviors can reveal deeper truths about who they really are.

Now, if you notice these 8 behaviors in your partner, it could be a sign that they’re not as good-hearted as you might have believed:

1) They’re often dismissive

Dismissiveness is a trait that’s as subtle as it is damaging.

When your partner brushes off your feelings or thoughts, it may not seem like much—you might chalk it up to them having a bad day, or being too occupied with their own issues.

But, over time, this behavior can add up.

In fact, a partner who is consistently dismissive might not be the good person you believe them to be.

They’re showing a lack of empathy and understanding—key components of any healthy relationship.

This behavior signals that they’re not genuinely interested in your experiences or emotions by not putting themselves in your shoes, nor trying to understand what you’re going through.

2) They don’t respect your boundaries

Boundaries are crucial for a healthy relationship.

Once, I had a partner who’d insist on going through my personal things—my phone, my emails, even my diary.

I kept telling them I wasn’t comfortable with it, but they’d always dismiss it as ‘not a big deal’.

Over time, I realized this was more than just annoying—it was a sign of a deeper issue in the form of a lack of respect for my personal space and privacy.

Respecting boundaries isn’t about having something to hide; it’s about trust and respect.

3) They’re always playing the victim

In psychology, playing the victim is often linked to manipulation; playing the victim is a strategy some people employ to gain sympathy, control or even evade responsibility.

If you’ve experienced you partner paints themselves as the victim—whether it’s their work, family or your relationship, or if they’re always at the receiving end of unjust situations—you might be dealing with a ‘professional victim’.

Trust me, I know how it feels: this kind of behavior can be exhausting and frustrating as it shifts the blame away from them, leaving you feeling guilty and responsible.

In a healthy relationship, both parties should be able to own up to their mistakes and wrongdoings.

4) They’re excessively controlling

People often mistake control for care, but there’s a fine line between the two.

Dictating what you should wear, who you should hang out with, or how you should spend your time, is not care but control.

A behavior like this is suffocating and it takes away your freedom to make your own decisions.

Usually, this is considered as a sign of insecurity and possessiveness, which can quickly turn a relationship toxic.

Keep in mind that a good partner should respect your autonomy and encourage you to maintain your individuality.

5) They never apologize

There was a time when I was with someone who would never admit their mistakes; no matter how wrong they were, they’d twist the story, shift the blame, or just flat out refuse to say sorry.

I realized this was a blatant lack of accountability and a refusal to take responsibility for their actions.

An apology is more than just a word—it’s an acknowledgement of wrongdoing, a step towards making amends.

If your partner can’t bring themselves to apologize, it suggests they’re not committed to improving the relationship or growing as a person.

6) They’re excessively charming

Charm can be enchanting, but sometimes, it can also be a mask.

A partner that is always overly charming, turning on the charisma like a switch whenever they want something, or when others are watching is a cause for concern.

This excessive charm could be a tactic to manipulate situations in their favor, or to distract you from their less appealing behaviors.

While charm isn’t inherently bad, it’s important to recognize when it’s genuine and when it’s used as a tool for manipulation.

Genuine charm is consistent and doesn’t come with ulterior motives.

7) They’re always putting you down

Put-downs, even when masked as jokes, can be incredibly damaging.

Should your partner consistently belittle you, make fun of your interests, or criticize you under the guise of humor, it’s an indicator of disrespect and emotional abuse.

Experiencing this behavior from your partner can chip away at your self-esteem and make you feel insignificant or worthless.

Similar to the fourth point, it’s a tactic to exert power and control—and it’s definitely not a sign of a good person.

You should never feel less than or unworthy in the eyes of someone who truly cares about you.

8) They don’t support your goals

At the heart of a good relationship is mutual support and encouragement.

If your partner doesn’t support your personal or professional goals, it suggests they don’t value your aspirations or they’re threatened by your potential success.

A good partner is your biggest cheerleader—they celebrate your achievements, encourage your ambitions, and stand by you through challenges.

If your partner isn’t willing to change their behavior, then they might not be the right person for you.

Reflecting on these behaviors

If you’ve made it this far, you’ve taken a significant step in understanding the signs of a toxic relationship; these behaviors are a reflection of your partner’s capacity for a healthy relationship.

Recognizing these signs is important—to identify potential problems and affirm your value and remind you that you deserve respect, kindness, and genuine love.

If you see these behaviors in your partner, they may not be the right fit for you.

Reflect on these signs, as being aware is the first step toward a relationship that is healthy, respectful, and fulfilling.