People who lack empathy frequently say these 6 phrases without realizing their impact

Have you ever had a conversation with someone that left you feeling uneasy or misunderstood, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on why?

People who struggle with empathy often don’t realize the impact of their phrases—they can come off as dismissive, insensitive, or downright hurtful, even if that wasn’t their intention.

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen how these patterns of speech can damage connections and create unnecessary tension.

Today, we uncover six phrases that people who lack empathy commonly use and explore why they hit so hard.

Ready to dive in?

Let’s.

1) I don’t get why you’re upset

When someone says “I don’t get why you’re upset”, it often implies that the person’s feelings are invalid or unreasonable. It’s as if they’re saying their perspective is the only one that counts.

This phrase can be incredibly damaging. It minimizes the other person’s feelings, making them feel unheard and dismissed.

Sound like you?

Empathy requires us to step into another person’s shoes, to try to understand their feelings from their perspective.

Instead of dismissing someone’s emotions with “I don’t get why you’re upset”, try saying “Help me understand what you’re feeling”. This invites conversation and shows that you’re willing to understand and validate their feelings.

Acknowledging someone’s feelings doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. But it does show respect for their experience and emotions, which is a key element in building strong relationships.

2) It’s not a big deal

Ever shared something deeply personal or troubling with someone, only for them to brush it off with, “It’s not a big deal”? It stung, didn’t it?

This phrase might seem harmless at first glance, but it minimizes the importance of what you’re feeling. It sends a clear message: Your emotions don’t matter, or you’re overreacting.

People who lack empathy often resort to this phrase because they struggle to see beyond their own perspective. They might genuinely believe it’s “not a big deal,” but that doesn’t mean it isn’t significant to you.

If this sounds like something you’ve said before, consider reframing your response. Instead of dismissing someone’s feelings, try saying, “I can see this is really affecting you—do you want to talk about it?”

This small shift can make a world of difference. It validates the other person’s experience and lets them know their feelings are worthy of being acknowledged.

Because in the end, what’s “not a big deal” to one person can mean everything to another.

3) You’re too sensitive

Now here’s a classic—“You’re too sensitive.”

It’s the go-to phrase for shutting down someone’s emotions and turning the blame back on them. Instead of addressing the impact of their words or actions, the person saying this puts the responsibility on you for feeling hurt.

Hearing this can make you feel small, as though your emotions are over-the-top or invalid. It’s a way of dismissing your feelings entirely, suggesting that the problem isn’t what was said or done—it’s you.

But let’s be clear: sensitivity isn’t a flaw. It’s a sign of emotional awareness and depth, and it deserves respect, not ridicule.

4) I know exactly how you feel

Now, this might sound counterintuitive. After all, isn’t saying “I know exactly how you feel” a show of empathy?

Well, not always. While this phrase might come from a good place, it can actually have the opposite effect.

By claiming to know “exactly” how someone feels, you unintentionally shift the focus from their experience to your own. It can also make the other person feel as though their unique emotions are being dismissed or overshadowed.

Even if you’ve been through a similar situation, no two experiences are ever truly the same. Saying, “I know exactly how you feel,” can close the door to a deeper conversation where the person gets to share and process their emotions fully.

Instead, try saying, “That sounds really hard—do you want to tell me more about it?” This approach shows genuine interest and leaves room for them to express themselves.

5) Get over it

Here’s one you probably expected. This phrase is much like “It’s not a big deal” in the sense that it trivializes someone’s emotions…but with an added sting of impatience.

Telling someone to “get over it” doesn’t just dismiss their feelings; it shuts down the conversation entirely. It sends the message that their emotions are an inconvenience and that they should simply move on—without the space or support they might need to process what they’re going through.

The reality is that emotions don’t work on a timer. Healing takes time, and everyone moves through difficult situations at their own pace.

A better response?

Something like “I know this is hard for you—how can I support you right now?” This approach shows patience, compassion, and a willingness to be there for them as they work through their feelings.

6) You always / You never

Last but definitely not least, we have the infamous “You always…” or “You never…”

Here’s the thing—no one always or never does something. These sweeping generalizations aren’t just inaccurate; they’re also incredibly damaging. They box someone into a fixed role and erase the complexity of their behavior.

When you use phrases like these, you’re not addressing the specific issue at hand. Instead, you’re launching an all-out critique of the person’s character. It can make them feel attacked, defensive, and even hopeless about improving the situation because the language feels so absolute.

If you catch yourself reaching for a “You always” or “You never,” pause and reframe. Try addressing the specific behavior with something like, “I noticed that this happened, and it upset me. Can we talk about it?”

This approach keeps the focus on the issue rather than the person, leaving room for productive dialogue instead of defensiveness.

Empathy is about giving people the space to grow, not trapping them in a narrative that feels impossible to change.

Conclusion

Words are powerful—they can either build bridges of understanding or create chasms of hurt.

The phrases we’ve explored today may seem small, but their impact is anything but.

Recognizing these common missteps is the first step toward more empathetic and meaningful communication. By pausing to consider how our words might land, we can create space for connection, validation, and mutual respect.

So, the next time you catch yourself about to say one of these phrases, take a moment to reframe. Ask yourself: How can I show understanding instead of dismissal? How can I invite connection instead of conflict?

Empathy is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice. But the effort is always worth it—because at the heart of every strong relationship is the ability to truly hear and honor each other.

Here’s to speaking with care and listening with intention!