People who maintain healthy relationships despite a toxic upbringing usually adopt these 7 habits

We’ve all heard the phrase, “You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends.” But what’s rarely talked about is how you can still maintain healthy relationships, even if your upbringing was less than ideal.

Growing up in a toxic environment puts a hefty weight on your shoulders, but it doesn’t mean you’re fated to repeat the same patterns. I’ve seen it firsthand: people who rise above their past and create nurturing, fulfilling relationships.

How do they do it, you ask? They adopt certain habits. And lucky for you, I’m about to share these secrets.

So buckle up and get ready to dive into the seven habits adopted by those who’ve successfully navigated the tricky waters of toxic upbringings to build and sustain healthy relationships.

1) Awareness is key

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Know thyself.” This is especially crucial for those who have come from toxic upbringings.

The first step to breaking free from the chains of a troubled past is becoming aware of the patterns and behaviors that were ingrained in you. Often, these patterns are so deeply embedded that they feel like second nature.

It’s like being on autopilot, replaying the same scenes from our childhood in our adult relationships. But here’s the thing – you can’t change what you’re not aware of.

The individuals who manage to maintain healthy relationships despite a toxic upbringing understand this. They make a conscious effort to recognize and acknowledge their past, to understand their triggers, and to identify the dysfunctional behaviors they might be carrying forward.

They don’t shy away from self-reflection. Instead, they embrace it, knowing that awareness is the first step towards change. And through this understanding, they’re able to pave the path towards healthier relationships.

So remember, knowing yourself and your past is not about dwelling on it. It’s about gaining insights that empower you to make better decisions moving forward.

2) Embracing vulnerability

This might seem counterintuitive, especially if you’ve grown up in an environment where showing emotions was perceived as a weakness. But hear me out.

The individuals who maintain healthy relationships despite a toxic upbringing have one thing in common – they dare to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability, contrary to popular belief, is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength. It takes courage to show your true feelings and emotions, to say “I need help” or “I’m sorry”.

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable means opening up about your past, your fears, your mistakes, and your feelings. It’s about letting your guard down and allowing the other person to see the real you.

And guess what? This authenticity fosters deeper connections. It builds trust, understanding, and intimacy – all key ingredients of a healthy relationship.

So don’t shy away from vulnerability. Embrace it. It’s one of the most powerful tools you have in building and maintaining healthy relationships.

3) Setting healthy boundaries

One of the most vital habits that individuals who maintain healthy relationships adopt is setting boundaries. Now, this isn’t about building walls or shutting people out. It’s about respecting your own needs, time, and energy.

Growing up in a toxic environment often blurs the lines of what’s acceptable and what’s not. And this can lead to a lack of understanding when it comes to setting and respecting boundaries in adult relationships.

But here’s the good news: learning to set healthy boundaries is a skill that can be developed. In fact, I’ve dedicated an entire chapter to this in my book “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship“.

Setting boundaries involves communicating your needs and wants clearly, saying no without feeling guilty, and not allowing others to overstep or disregard your boundaries.

And trust me, it’s a game-changer. Not only does it lead to healthier relationships, but it also boosts your self-esteem and reduces stress.

So don’t be afraid to set your boundaries. They are the gatekeepers of your self-respect and your well-being.

4) Practicing forgiveness

We all make mistakes. But those who maintain healthy relationships understand the power of forgiveness. And I’m not just talking about forgiving others, but also forgiving yourself.

Growing up in a toxic environment can often leave us with a lot of resentment and hurt. But holding onto that anger only harms us in the long run.

I’ve learned this the hard way. Over the years, I’ve realized that forgiveness isn’t about letting someone off the hook for their actions, but about freeing ourselves from the burden of carrying that pain.

As Martin Luther King Jr. once wisely said, “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.”

Practicing forgiveness allows us to let go of past hurts and move forward. It paves the way for healing and helps us cultivate healthier relationships.

Remember, forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. It’s a continuous process that requires patience and courage. But trust me, it’s worth it.

5) Seeking professional help

This one might seem daunting. Trust me, I’ve been there. There’s a stigma around seeking professional help, like therapy or counseling. But let me tell you something – there’s no shame in it. In fact, it’s one of the bravest things you can do for yourself.

Those who maintain healthy relationships despite a toxic upbringing often understand the value of professional help. They acknowledge that sometimes, the weight of our past is too heavy to carry alone.

A trained professional can provide you with the tools and strategies to navigate your emotions, understand your past, and most importantly, shape a healthier future.

I’ve sought therapy myself and it was a game-changer. It offered me a safe space to express my feelings, confront my past and learn how to break free from unhealthy patterns.

So if you’re finding it hard to navigate your relationships or your past, remember there’s no harm in seeking help. It’s not a sign of weakness but a testament to your strength and your commitment to building healthier relationships.

6) Embracing self-love

This one is close to my heart. Self-love is not about being narcissistic. It’s about acknowledging your worth and treating yourself with the same kindness and respect you would give to others.

Those who maintain healthy relationships despite a toxic upbringing understand this. They know that you can’t pour from an empty cup. They prioritize their own well-being because they realize that they deserve love and care, just like everyone else.

Embracing self-love means taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional health. It means setting aside time for self-care, setting boundaries, and speaking kindly to yourself.

Believe me, when you start treating yourself with love, you set the tone for how others should treat you.

Before we move on to the final point, I’d love to invite you all to follow me on Facebook. It’s where I share my latest articles and insights on love, relationships, and self-growth. Hope to see you there!

7) Accepting imperfections

Let’s be real. No one is perfect. And neither are relationships. They are messy, complicated, and sometimes downright hard. But those who maintain healthy relationships despite a toxic upbringing get this.

They understand that everyone has flaws and baggage – yes, even them. They accept their own imperfections and those of their partners.

This doesn’t mean they tolerate toxic behavior or disregard their own needs. It means they understand that mistakes are part of being human. It means they’re willing to work through these imperfections rather than run away at the first sign of trouble.

Accepting imperfections also means dropping unrealistic expectations. It’s about understanding that a healthy relationship isn’t about finding a ‘perfect’ person, but about learning to love an imperfect person perfectly.

It’s raw, it’s hard, but it’s also beautifully real. Because at the end of the day, what matters most is not perfection, but love, understanding, and acceptance.

Final thoughts

In the journey of nurturing healthy relationships, one thing is certain – it’s a continuous process of learning, growing, and healing. It’s about understanding our past, embracing our present, and looking forward to a healthier future.

But the beauty of it is that we’re not alone in this journey.

Speaking from personal experience and the experiences of those I’ve had the privilege to guide, I can tell you this: we all carry our own baggage. And it’s how we choose to deal with it that shapes our relationships and ultimately, our lives.

As we wrap up this discussion, I’d like to leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Carl Jung: “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” It’s a powerful reminder that we have the power to rise above our past and shape our own future.

To delve deeper into these concepts and explore more strategies for maintaining healthy relationships, I highly recommend checking out this insightful video by Justin Brown.

He beautifully explores the complexities of finding a life partner and shares valuable lessons on shared values, growth, and mutual support in a relationship.

Remember, every step you take towards healing and growth is a step towards healthier relationships. And trust me, it’s worth every effort.