People who were never taught emotional intelligence as children usually display these 7 traits as adults

Emotional intelligence is not something we’re born with, it’s a skill that’s nurtured over time.

If you weren’t taught emotional intelligence as a child, you might find yourself exhibiting certain traits as an adult.

These traits aren’t necessarily bad, but they can make navigating relationships and handling life’s ups and downs a bit more challenging.

In this article, we’ll explore 7 traits typically seen in adults who weren’t taught emotional intelligence during their formative years.

It’s never too late to learn, grow, and change – so let’s dive in.

1) Difficulty in identifying emotions

People who weren’t taught emotional intelligence as a child often struggle with identifying their own emotions as adults.

This isn’t about not being able to tell when they’re happy or sad. It’s about the subtler emotions – like feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or conflicted.

When these individuals experience a complex emotion, they may not be able to pinpoint exactly what they’re feeling.

This can lead to confusion and frustration, and sometimes even result in physical symptoms like a racing heart or a churning stomach.

Understanding our emotions is the first step to managing them effectively.

Without this understanding, it can be challenging to navigate life’s ups and downs in a healthy way.

It’s never too late to learn – even if you weren’t taught emotional intelligence as a child, you can still develop this skill as an adult.

2) Struggling with empathy

Empathy isn’t just about understanding what someone else is feeling – it’s about sharing those feelings.

Growing up, my parents were always quick to encourage logic and reason over emotions.

While this definitely had its benefits, it also left me a bit stunted when it came to understanding other people’s feelings.

I remember a friend once confided in me about a tough situation she was going through.

I tried to be supportive, but instead of offering empathy, I found myself jumping straight into problem-solving mode.

My intentions were good, but I didn’t realize that what she really needed was for someone to simply listen and understand her feelings.

As an adult, I’ve had to work hard to develop my empathy skills. It’s been a journey, but it’s definitely made a difference in my relationships and overall well-being.

If you also struggle with empathy, don’t lose hope – emotional intelligence can be learned and improved upon at any age.

3) Difficulty handling criticism

Without a solid foundation of emotional intelligence, handling criticism can feel like navigating a minefield.

When we’re criticized, our brain tends to interpret it as a threat, triggering the fight or flight response. That’s why we may become defensive or lash out when faced with negative feedback.

People with high emotional intelligence are better at taking criticism because they see it as an opportunity to learn and grow, rather than a personal attack.

For those who weren’t taught emotional intelligence in their childhood, it may take some time and effort to shift this perspective. But with practice and patience, it’s definitely achievable.

4) Poor conflict resolution skills

Conflict is a part of life. Yet, for those who weren’t taught emotional intelligence as children, it can be a source of great stress and anxiety.

They often struggle with conflict resolution because it requires recognizing and understanding not only their own emotions but also the emotions of others involved.

In the heat of an argument, they may resort to blaming, shouting or withdrawing, instead of calmly discussing the problem, empathizing with the other person’s viewpoint, and working towards a solution.

Improving conflict resolution skills takes time and practice, but it’s an essential component of emotional intelligence that can dramatically improve personal and professional relationships.

5) Difficulty maintaining relationships

Navigating relationships can be a struggle when you lack emotional intelligence.

I’ve had friendships that ended abruptly, and romantic relationships that never seemed to last. For a long time, I couldn’t figure out why.

Then I realized, it wasn’t necessarily that I was choosing the wrong people. It was that without emotional intelligence, I found it hard to truly connect on an emotional level.

I struggled to understand their feelings, to communicate my own, and to handle disagreements in a constructive way.

Building emotional intelligence has been key in turning this around. It’s helped me form deeper connections and maintain stronger relationships. It’s a journey, but one well worth taking.

6) Difficulty expressing emotions

Expressing emotions in a healthy and effective way can be a real challenge for individuals who weren’t taught emotional intelligence in their childhood.

They might bottle up their feelings until they erupt, or they might swing the other way and over-share.

They might struggle to find the right words to express how they’re feeling, or they might avoid discussing emotions altogether.

The good news is, like any skill, expressing emotions can be learned and improved.

It starts with understanding your own emotions, becoming comfortable with them, and then learning how to communicate them effectively.

It’s a process, but it’s an important one for personal development and healthy relationships.

7) Inability to self-regulate

Self-regulation is perhaps the most crucial aspect of emotional intelligence, and it’s often the hardest to master for those who weren’t taught it as children.

This involves recognizing when your emotions are taking over and having the ability to calm yourself down.

It’s about being able to manage your emotions in a way that allows you to respond rather than react.

Without this skill, emotions can easily spiral out of control, leading to impulsive actions and unnecessary stress.

Mastering self-regulation can significantly improve your quality of life, making it easier to handle stress, maintain relationships, and navigate the ups and downs that inevitably come our way.

Final thoughts: It’s never too late to learn

Emotional intelligence is not a fixed trait, etched in stone by our past experiences or lack of learning in childhood.

It’s a set of skills that can be learned, practiced and improved over time.

The key is awareness – recognizing these traits in ourselves and understanding that they’re not inherent flaws, but areas for growth.

If you weren’t taught emotional intelligence as a child, it might feel like you’re playing catch-up. But remember, emotional intelligence is not a race, it’s a journey.

Every step you take towards understanding your emotions better, empathizing with others, handling criticism, managing conflict, expressing your emotions healthily, and self-regulating your reactions – each step is progress.

And with each step, you’re not just improving your emotional intelligence.

You’re improving your relationships, your wellbeing, and ultimately, your life.

Keep going. Keep learning. Keep growing. Because it’s never too late to develop emotional intelligence.