Being told "I'm not asking, I'm telling" to take on a colleague's work

Recently, an older coworker went on sick leave and my boss wants me to take on part of his workload. They have no idea when he will be back or even if he’s coming back. He’s on a different part of the team, so I would be teaching myself how to do these tasks with no end date provided.

TL;DR I tried to use this request as an opportunity to gain appropriate recognition, and was shut down and told I don’t have a choice. Fine, but why be so aggressive to the person who’s help you need? I was told I was selected for my precision and attention to detail – shouldn’t I have some say in my workload so I can maintain that same excellence toward my existing commitments? Do I really not have any kind of choice? I’m pregnant and I want to be extra cautious of additional work stress.

Previously, this has happened before when another colleague left, and it was hell. I was told I was just going to be “helping out” for a little while, but ended up doing two roles at once for over a year. My stress level was high, especially as a brand new employee. There was zero support or training and a lot of criticism. Even when we hired a new team member in the role I was filling, my boss would get upset if I asked about transferring my additional tasks to them. She said I was trying to shirk my responsibilities, even though I was just wanted to understand my role. I became hesitant to even ask question, as she said I was “challenging her authority”.

Now, I know to think more carefully before saying yes. I researched polite ways to approach additional recognition for taking on new responsibilities or adjustments to my existing workload – and my boss shut it all down.

She became aggressive and hostile. E.g.,

• When I reminded her of previously taking on temporary responsibilities that ended up being long-term commitments, she said, “And you were compensated for that!” … I was paid my regular wage with nothing extra.

• When I shared how I saved our company money by filling that vacancy for over a year (BTW I had to fill the role twice) she said, “It’s in your job description to provide backup.”

• When I asked what commitments I could adjust to accommodate these new tasks, she said I may be able to drop one specific task. This task is my easiest one (takes an hour tops) and I’m expected to pick up 4 new responsibilities.

• When I asked for time to think about it, she arched an eyebrow and said, “Are you telling me no?”

Finally, she just looked at me and said:

Boss: I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.

Me: It sounds like I have no choice.

Boss: Yes.

Me: So I am being commanded to do this?

Boss: Yes.

Me: Well I think we should pause here and leave this for now because I don’t know how to respond if I have no choice.

The whole time I remained calm, but I was taken aback at what could have been a collaborative conversation. Instead she was hostile and condescending, shutting down my ideas, thoughts, and needs without any comprise.

For the record, I am pregnant and have a full workload. She knows I am pregnant and has been more aggressive with me since she found out two days ago, despite seeming supportive. Yesterday she tried to blame me for her missing a deadline, but luckily I had the CYA receipts to cover myself.

Sorry for this long rant and thank you for reading, I really needed to vent. Pregnancy hormones and anxiety are very real!

I’m only 9 weeks, so my hope was to stick this job out, take maternity leave, and find a new team after. But I feel like she will make the environment hostile before I leave. I’ve been documenting all of our unpleasant encounters. Any other tips for navigating this tricky relationship?

My Executive Director and her are good friends so I feel stuck. She’s a subject matter expert but doesn’t seem to value empathy, mutual respect, or persuasion, just brute force. I am her only employee, we work at a university.